Friday, 12 September 2014

CREATURE (3D): ‘Khooni Darinda' by Vikram ‘Ramsay’ of 2014! [1.5/5]

There is a monster on loose in the forests of Himachal Pradesh. Allegedly it is a ‘BrahmRakshasa’ described well in Hindu Mythology as half man-half animal breed cursed by Lord Brahma and to kill it, one should have weapons dipped in the ashes of Peepal tree leaves but wait, it doesn’t work and as Rakesh Bedi gets amazed in the famous Kaayam Choorna TV Commercial, the lead protagonist admits, “Ispe toh inn goliyon ka bhi asar nahin”. Thank God, there is a Plan B mentioned somewhere! Now, we have bullets soaked in the holy water of a famous Hindu Sacred temple, that too on the most auspicious day of the year!

This is not a sleazy story in 90’s ‘Manohar Kahaaniyaan’. This is not a Ramsay Brothers B-grade horror. This is a Vikram Bhatt film labeled as ‘India’s first creature film’ and shamefully seeing light of the day in 2014. Bollywood should get a round of applause for coming so far in all these years! Silliness can be fun; absurdity sometimes does produce entertainment of some kind but so much of regressive approach! Someone somewhere definitely needs a serious therapy and in this case, my sympathies are with the makers.

CREATURE (3D) has Bipasha Basu, playing a hotelier with a past and pills to fight anxiety and the way she acts, you can make out from a mile ago that her medical condition is all made up to show her breathing heavily (…titillating for some, irritating for most) and with all the intensity. She has done masters in the same from of course the ‘Bhatt school of Horror’. You should learn from her how to start or end a conversation with a terrible vocal act of exhaling or inhaling. And if that was not enough, we have Imran Abbas Naqvi supposedly a TV star in Pakistan. Watching him acting in a ‘one expression’ mode is like paying tribute to all the John Abrahams of Bollywood. Why would you need to go out of this country to find such waste? We haven’t done with producing at our own yet.

Now let’s get back to the primary cause for what the film has eventually been made. The 10-feet tall, Hulk-mates-dinosaur, man-eating monster created in highly potent visual graphics machines. No doubt, Bollywood has never seen anything like it before. And seriously, I don’t have any issues with how well it is made or just not but in the genre of horror, there is a certain rule. You can never unleash your force of horror wide-open in daylight to just show off how efficient you were at the execution level. It’s just a week before Priyanka Chopra advised in MARY KOM, “kisi ko itna bhi mat darao, ki darr hi khatam ho jaaye”. There comes a time when you only look at it and ask to yourself, “what the hell is this?”…for the creature and the film also!

With inert songs modeled on Bhatt Camps earlier hits (‘Mehboob ki’ song of Imran’s intro is actually influenced by ‘Saanso ki jaroorat’ from AASHIQUI), terribly average dialogues and an exhaustingly irritating climax, this is a film that doesn’t deserve your attention, money or time. Vikram Bhatt was once a progeny of Mahesh Bhatt School of cinema. He is now creating one of his own, parallel to Ram Gopal Verma’s and Sajid Khan’s! You can ignore him…and the film! [1.5/5] 

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