Showing posts with label bipasha basu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bipasha basu. Show all posts

Friday, 12 September 2014

CREATURE (3D): ‘Khooni Darinda' by Vikram ‘Ramsay’ of 2014! [1.5/5]

There is a monster on loose in the forests of Himachal Pradesh. Allegedly it is a ‘BrahmRakshasa’ described well in Hindu Mythology as half man-half animal breed cursed by Lord Brahma and to kill it, one should have weapons dipped in the ashes of Peepal tree leaves but wait, it doesn’t work and as Rakesh Bedi gets amazed in the famous Kaayam Choorna TV Commercial, the lead protagonist admits, “Ispe toh inn goliyon ka bhi asar nahin”. Thank God, there is a Plan B mentioned somewhere! Now, we have bullets soaked in the holy water of a famous Hindu Sacred temple, that too on the most auspicious day of the year!

This is not a sleazy story in 90’s ‘Manohar Kahaaniyaan’. This is not a Ramsay Brothers B-grade horror. This is a Vikram Bhatt film labeled as ‘India’s first creature film’ and shamefully seeing light of the day in 2014. Bollywood should get a round of applause for coming so far in all these years! Silliness can be fun; absurdity sometimes does produce entertainment of some kind but so much of regressive approach! Someone somewhere definitely needs a serious therapy and in this case, my sympathies are with the makers.

CREATURE (3D) has Bipasha Basu, playing a hotelier with a past and pills to fight anxiety and the way she acts, you can make out from a mile ago that her medical condition is all made up to show her breathing heavily (…titillating for some, irritating for most) and with all the intensity. She has done masters in the same from of course the ‘Bhatt school of Horror’. You should learn from her how to start or end a conversation with a terrible vocal act of exhaling or inhaling. And if that was not enough, we have Imran Abbas Naqvi supposedly a TV star in Pakistan. Watching him acting in a ‘one expression’ mode is like paying tribute to all the John Abrahams of Bollywood. Why would you need to go out of this country to find such waste? We haven’t done with producing at our own yet.

Now let’s get back to the primary cause for what the film has eventually been made. The 10-feet tall, Hulk-mates-dinosaur, man-eating monster created in highly potent visual graphics machines. No doubt, Bollywood has never seen anything like it before. And seriously, I don’t have any issues with how well it is made or just not but in the genre of horror, there is a certain rule. You can never unleash your force of horror wide-open in daylight to just show off how efficient you were at the execution level. It’s just a week before Priyanka Chopra advised in MARY KOM, “kisi ko itna bhi mat darao, ki darr hi khatam ho jaaye”. There comes a time when you only look at it and ask to yourself, “what the hell is this?”…for the creature and the film also!

With inert songs modeled on Bhatt Camps earlier hits (‘Mehboob ki’ song of Imran’s intro is actually influenced by ‘Saanso ki jaroorat’ from AASHIQUI), terribly average dialogues and an exhaustingly irritating climax, this is a film that doesn’t deserve your attention, money or time. Vikram Bhatt was once a progeny of Mahesh Bhatt School of cinema. He is now creating one of his own, parallel to Ram Gopal Verma’s and Sajid Khan’s! You can ignore him…and the film! [1.5/5] 

Friday, 20 June 2014

HUMSHAKALS: Leave Entertainment, this is an insult to Cinema! [0.0/5]

Disclaimer: The fact that I had admired Sajid khan long back for being literally an encyclopedia to 70s-80’s Bollywood, especially with all the lesser known junior artists, character actors and the inside out gossips from every corner of the Bombay Film Industry, now hardly there to exist. Sajid Khan as a filmmaker has completely lost the respect even for being the tiniest part of this creative medium. So if in this review of mine, I sound unapologetically personal and too harsh sometimes, it’s purely intentional. Follows the review…

HUMSHAKALS is as illogical, as weird as its title. Neither there is a word like it in any of the dictionaries in the world, nor does this maddening world exist anywhere in this universe. Since it is supposedly a comedy of errors, I am going to try my best to make you laugh, or smile for that matter with some of its jokes. While working at a food-joint, one ‘Ashok & Kumar’ of the 3 look-alikes [Saif & Riteish; don’t bother who are the others] serves parathas made with cocaine and everyone around starts moving as either zombies or more like bhangra-lovers. Save yourself to witness them making ‘Vodka ke Parathe’. Don’t try this at your home!

The next ‘Ashok & Kumar’, escapees from mental asylum are seen playing with the life-supportive ventilator of an old man in coma [Akash Khurana as if he’s more comfortable there than being in the main league] as if it is some video game. Insensitive? Wait, there is more. The warden at the so called ‘CRAY G. Hospital’ [Played by Satish Shah] keeps torturing the patients with his favorite electric treatment performed with naked wires. Now, where on earth one uses that technique is barely matters if you are in a Sajid Khan World. This is the world where drops of a drug can turn you in dogs. People still apply Chloroform on hankies to make their targets passed out. A lollypop can heal the mental stroke.

Even all these can be overlooked if the very idea of entertainment is right, seriously, but it’s always like asking for too much from a Sajid Khan Film. Actually, it is an insult to your intellect and sensitivity as a human being. Homosexual men are again and again being portrayed as ‘always aroused’, moaning sex-starving guys. Characters cross-dress to seduce their look-alikes and fall into hysterically annoying love-cum-rape scenes. Songs come out of nowhere to just make it a loo-break in every 20-min or something. Considering the degree of stupidity Sajid throws at you, this is one nice & smartest move to keep viewers fresh like new from scratch. You should better take each one of them to survive the whole film.

Bipasha had earlier made it clear that she wasn’t happy with the outcome and that’s why she kept herself away from the film promotions. I wonder what made Saif not go for that option. Watching him suffer as an actor who can’t even crack a joke properly or deliver an ordinary piece of dialogue without hamming is a terrible experience! Riteish and Ram are not so bad comparatively. We better not discuss the girls. They are hardly there to impress with their acting skills.

At the end, I hope it is the end. Let’s just not take cinema for granted in the name of entertainment. Leave Entertainment alone, this is an insult to Cinema! I just can’t throw my precious stars on such waste of time, money and efforts of thousands of people on a film-set. Stay away, or else you might release your anger, aggression and distress caused by the film upon your friends and family! [0.0/5]