ROCKY HANDSOME: The Rock that doesn’t Roll! [2/5]

I hate this when critics label an actor as a piece of ‘furniture’ in his said professional work. This is really demeaning and an act of character-assassination of serious intensity, I believe. But then, what adjectives could you use for someone who has precisely and only a couple of expressions to showcase? A rock, if not some furniture? Well, it goes well with the title of the film and also describes the neatly oiled and chiseled body of John Abraham playing the main protagonist in the film. Trust me; he is so unshakeable, unflinching and immovable (for all the wrong reasons) that at some point, you might outburst your patience with ‘bhai, kuch toh acting kar!’ Nishikant Kamat directed ROCKY HANDSOME too, has exactly the same kind of after-effect on its viewers. You are left unshaken, unmoved and cold as a rock, again for all the wrong reasons.  

Copied frame to frame from Korean blood-porn THE MAN FROM NOWHERE (2010), ROCKY HANDSOME revolves around a mysterious pawnshop owner [JOHN ABRAHAM] and his unusual bonding with his 7-year old neighbor Nayomi [DIYA CHALWAD]. The tryst of Nayomi’s drug-addict mother [NATHALIA KAUR] with the deadly sharks in the game lands them in an unwanted situation only our mysterious man can get them off from. And then starts a hysterical action adventure having some amazingly choreographed hand-to-hand martial arts combats, knife fights, blood & gore action-sequences and a couple of peppy, foot-tapping, well-shot item numbers! Sounds good? Well, some of it but not entirely. There is always a sense of disbelief floating around throughout the film. It’s like visiting those arty-farty exhibitions where everything looks neat & clean and presentable but you could never make any connections with them as most of it was just an imitation.

I am not sure if the film is an official remake of its Korean original but even then, Kamat known for remaking DRISHYAM in Hindi last year, never actually bothers to use his right side of brain while recreating it. Most of the props used in the film are shamelessly and leisurely gets modeled on the original ones e.g. the noticeable pouch to carry drugs. Kamat’s unimaginative approach is largely overshadowed by stylized action-pieces and a typical cinematography relying always on slow-motion tiger walks in the rain, red-tinted lighting and continuous shots during fights (An impressive one has John running towards a window, jumping on to it, breaking it and making a safe landing on the ground through it…all in one continuous shot). The ear-defying background score is another run-of-the mill tactic Kamat never shows any problem with but I truly wish if the control would have been in viewer’s hands.

ROCKY HANDSOME has a cute looking kid in its major star-cast. Diya is sure a talent to watch out for but the dialogues are so grave and methodical, it doesn’t sync in well with the innocence Diya brings on screen. Kamat himself plays the main villain but could never create any impression with that. Teddy Maurya, despite being a good actor, settles with a regular portrayal of the done-to-death character of a drug-sniffing maniac. Sharad Kelkar owns most of his performance with the right kind of attitude and confidence in him. For John Abraham, read the first para of this article again. There is nothing more to add.

At the end, ROCKY HANDSOME strengthens your believe in ‘the other side of the coin’ theory. For every KAPOOR & SONS and NEERJA, there is always a ROCKY HANDSOME or a JAZBAA. You can call it the balancing-act of Bollywood. Love it, hate it but you can’t ignore its existence. It’s a copy & paste (Ctrl C + Ctrl V) job better left to find a place in your trash bin, soon after watching it if you had already managed to watch! [2/5]   

HERO: Oops, try again! [1.5/5]

A lot of hard work, deliberate efforts and forced energy have been put in making/re-making HERO, and it shows. The desired all muscles-heavily tattooed look is achieved, as for as the sincerity and passion at the male lead’s part is concerned. The girl sure has learned a couple of lessons on how to move it; and I am not talking about anything here distantly related to acting. Postcard-perfect locations have been recced and marked. Songs are completely in sync with the hit love-story mould. Even the storyline has been borrowed from a classic romantic drama, still very much admired for its good music, distinctive direction and decent performances. A safe and well-protected launch-pad for two of the Bollywood star-kids is ready. Well, almost! And that ‘almost’ says a lot. Two most important parts of the filmmaking process i.e. the edgy writing and the skilled direction miss the bus; and Nikhil Advani’s HERO turns out to be a sluggishly written- sloppily directed bad film no one would love to be called his/her launch-pad.

Backed by Salman Khan- an institution in himself for today’s gym-loving generation, HERO is made only to establish the mentor’s ego in projecting his loved ones as the next possible stars in Bollywood. The list has many Atul Agnihotris and Pulkit Samrats besides all plastic face look-alikes [Sneha Ullal & Zarine Khan, if you remember]. Sooraj Pancholi and Athiya Shetty secure their places in the same list. The local gangster Sooraj [Played by Jr Pancholi] has kidnapped Radha [Athiya Shetty]- the daughter of Mumbai’s Inspector General of Police Srikant Mathur [Tigmanshu Dhulia] in order to get his godfather Pasha [His real father Sr. Pancholi] released from the jail. And it takes exactly 2 songs and 3 scenes for the fashion-freak & selfie-obsessed Radha to fall in love with an under-qualified but good-hearted ‘Goonda’. I know it hurts to accept him as an under-qualified but he himself confesses in one scene that he can only do either ‘dadagiri’ or ‘bodybuilding’. Now, that can really be an eye-opener to all the gym-fanatics! Anyways, the plot ahead sees the foreseen tussle between the lovers and the rest of the world.

What gets lost in translation from the Subhash Ghai directed original HERO to this latest remake is the conviction in writing and the confidence in direction. Though the writer tries his hard to give it a contemporary feel but could only come up with a few dialogues using internet-savvy lingo and the outdone tattooed look every Bollywood aspirant thinks a must to get big break. Rest of all is outdated, absurd and not at all appealing. The writing is so lethargic and noticeably so embarrassing that you can’t stop grinning about it. The IG of Police is named Sri Kant. The full name of Pasha is Surya Kant Pasha. Even Sooraj is called Surya sometimes. Pasha is called ‘baba’ by Sooraj, Sooraj is called ‘Sooraj Baba’ by Pasha. There is definitely some shortage of names. And then, there is bad direction that borrows heavily from every successful romantic action films in past. The whole entry sequence is so pale and pathetic you want to ask if Salman [The Producer] himself has approved it. In one of the most hilarious scenes, Pasha recalls in front of Sooraj, “Teri maa ko main behan manta tha”. Now, reconsider this as they both are sharing the screen for the first time and Sooraj is projected till now as Pasha’s son! Absurd miscommunication, I say!

On the performances, it’s better not to express much as even they [Sooraj & Athiya] also didn’t much in the film. Sooraj definitely has some screen-presence only till he starts trying to weight his words before speaking. I wish his gym has vocal trainers also! Athiya is unconventionally bad. And thanks to the writing that portrays her even worse! How can playing a dumb be someone’s very first role to impress the world? Sharad Kelkar acts in respected measures and impresses the most of the lot. Tigmanshu looks completely disinterested and drained out. Aditya Pancholi for once underplays it and looks cool while doing it.

Film’s poster has a tagline, “Rebels. Love. Freedom.” Apart from it being grammatically incorrect, I could only give you my word about the last of the three words you would actually feel for, not while watching the film but after leaving the theatre. For Salman? When there is an expert [Mr. Salim Khan] at your hand’s distance, you should better give your script a chance rather than countering film critics’ substance just couple of days before releasing your film. And to Sooraj & Athiya; try again, kids! I know you both are lucky enough to get more chances! [1.5/5]