KATTI BATTI: A ‘yawn’ experience! [1.5/5]

Love-stories can be clichéd. One should never be ashamed of it or in the state of complete denial. In fact, there will always be the ‘boy-meets-girl’ design in the plot, some or the other way, but you can’t be so unimaginative, uninspired and uninteresting that no one would even try to invest their emotions in whatever story you’re telling or just cooking it up for the sake of it. Nikhil Advani’s KATTI BATTI is probably year’s most lackluster romantic film; not just because it lacks the chemistry, the spark, the romance or even the reason behind its existence but also, for being a ruthless demolisher of a proficient actor’s potential [That goes for Kangana]. This is a film where romance is judged by how competently you preserve the first 20-rupee note your ‘true love’ has offered you with her phone number on it, or how proudly you carry a piece of paper once used for writing the word ‘sorry’ as many as fifty times to brace your apology. I can hear you all going ‘Aww’ with multiple ‘W’s, girls! But this all happen, hold your breath, in a modern day live-in relationship! Growing up is a choice, I fear most of the Bollywood writers don’t like to go for.

The film is set in a world where every Madhav involuntarily becomes Maddy [Imran Khan] but Payal [Kangana] remains Payal despite being more foresighted, focused and free-spirited than the cool dude in question. No wonder, she is called ‘a good catch’, ‘chalu’ and a ‘man-eater’ who can chew men and spit out the waste, for the choices she makes in her life. On the other hand, the boy is on the loose to chase the girl until she accepts to be with him. 5 years later, they are breaking-up. And then, of course there is a bunch of supporting human angles to make it happening whatever needs to be in those circumstances! A friend who’s irritatingly always there [Doesn’t he have his own life?], a bossy kid sister with her so-called wise advices, another friend who’s shown pregnant while being already the mother of a one & half year old toddler [Though it’s not a crime, I really want to know what went wrong that night] and many others including a baddie actually being a goodie. Did I just pass a lame clue here for a shamefully twisted climax or eventually the director’s cover up for his own sins? I think I deserve a ‘thank you’ to save some of your mental exercise.

Surprisingly, the film starts with a really impressive scene where the couple is seen discussing their live-in relationship status, in bed, followed by the inventively-shot ‘lip to lip de kissiyaan’ song. It smells fresh but only till you know the writer has been briefed to make every scene a laughter-joint no matter how irrelevant, erratic or unreal it is. The film is filled with scenes when humor is forced, freaky and fatigued. As a writer, I can tell you how one sell these kind of scenes to the director. The popular expression is ‘On-screen aur achcha lagega’. We all have been made fools. While watching movies, one should always be attentive as there might be a hidden hint for your own good. Well; just before the climax, Nikhil throws a song named ‘Jaago mohan pyaare’ on us to make sure all of us are awake to notice the high-point of his film i.e. the weepy-creepy and shabbily sentimental climax.

Kangana Ranaut, on the cast, is underused for her abilities to emote and over-used for providing a gimmicky ‘different looks in one film’ formula, she apparently has mastered in TANU WEDS MANU AGAIN. On the contrary, Imran is given more screen-time, attention and opportunities to show his caliber. As a nerd, bore and one-track lover of an ambitious, smart and animated girl, he is quite watchable. So is Vivan Bhatena. Special mention to Suneel Sinha as Maddy’s father who has all the talents and looks to fill the long-awaited gap for a cool, caring and compassionate Bollywood father. Now, that’s some fresh casting I see.

There has been news of Aamir Khan seen crying after watching this dead & dull romantic affair. I can only say, crying is good but never for the wrong reasons. The makers should have an on-screen affirmation saying something like, ‘This is the scene that made Aamir cry’, it would be more helpful to incite some emotions in viewers. Otherwise, Nikhil Advani’s KATTI BATTI is an affair NOT to remember! A ‘yawn’ experience! [1.5/5]

HERO: Oops, try again! [1.5/5]

A lot of hard work, deliberate efforts and forced energy have been put in making/re-making HERO, and it shows. The desired all muscles-heavily tattooed look is achieved, as for as the sincerity and passion at the male lead’s part is concerned. The girl sure has learned a couple of lessons on how to move it; and I am not talking about anything here distantly related to acting. Postcard-perfect locations have been recced and marked. Songs are completely in sync with the hit love-story mould. Even the storyline has been borrowed from a classic romantic drama, still very much admired for its good music, distinctive direction and decent performances. A safe and well-protected launch-pad for two of the Bollywood star-kids is ready. Well, almost! And that ‘almost’ says a lot. Two most important parts of the filmmaking process i.e. the edgy writing and the skilled direction miss the bus; and Nikhil Advani’s HERO turns out to be a sluggishly written- sloppily directed bad film no one would love to be called his/her launch-pad.

Backed by Salman Khan- an institution in himself for today’s gym-loving generation, HERO is made only to establish the mentor’s ego in projecting his loved ones as the next possible stars in Bollywood. The list has many Atul Agnihotris and Pulkit Samrats besides all plastic face look-alikes [Sneha Ullal & Zarine Khan, if you remember]. Sooraj Pancholi and Athiya Shetty secure their places in the same list. The local gangster Sooraj [Played by Jr Pancholi] has kidnapped Radha [Athiya Shetty]- the daughter of Mumbai’s Inspector General of Police Srikant Mathur [Tigmanshu Dhulia] in order to get his godfather Pasha [His real father Sr. Pancholi] released from the jail. And it takes exactly 2 songs and 3 scenes for the fashion-freak & selfie-obsessed Radha to fall in love with an under-qualified but good-hearted ‘Goonda’. I know it hurts to accept him as an under-qualified but he himself confesses in one scene that he can only do either ‘dadagiri’ or ‘bodybuilding’. Now, that can really be an eye-opener to all the gym-fanatics! Anyways, the plot ahead sees the foreseen tussle between the lovers and the rest of the world.

What gets lost in translation from the Subhash Ghai directed original HERO to this latest remake is the conviction in writing and the confidence in direction. Though the writer tries his hard to give it a contemporary feel but could only come up with a few dialogues using internet-savvy lingo and the outdone tattooed look every Bollywood aspirant thinks a must to get big break. Rest of all is outdated, absurd and not at all appealing. The writing is so lethargic and noticeably so embarrassing that you can’t stop grinning about it. The IG of Police is named Sri Kant. The full name of Pasha is Surya Kant Pasha. Even Sooraj is called Surya sometimes. Pasha is called ‘baba’ by Sooraj, Sooraj is called ‘Sooraj Baba’ by Pasha. There is definitely some shortage of names. And then, there is bad direction that borrows heavily from every successful romantic action films in past. The whole entry sequence is so pale and pathetic you want to ask if Salman [The Producer] himself has approved it. In one of the most hilarious scenes, Pasha recalls in front of Sooraj, “Teri maa ko main behan manta tha”. Now, reconsider this as they both are sharing the screen for the first time and Sooraj is projected till now as Pasha’s son! Absurd miscommunication, I say!

On the performances, it’s better not to express much as even they [Sooraj & Athiya] also didn’t much in the film. Sooraj definitely has some screen-presence only till he starts trying to weight his words before speaking. I wish his gym has vocal trainers also! Athiya is unconventionally bad. And thanks to the writing that portrays her even worse! How can playing a dumb be someone’s very first role to impress the world? Sharad Kelkar acts in respected measures and impresses the most of the lot. Tigmanshu looks completely disinterested and drained out. Aditya Pancholi for once underplays it and looks cool while doing it.

Film’s poster has a tagline, “Rebels. Love. Freedom.” Apart from it being grammatically incorrect, I could only give you my word about the last of the three words you would actually feel for, not while watching the film but after leaving the theatre. For Salman? When there is an expert [Mr. Salim Khan] at your hand’s distance, you should better give your script a chance rather than countering film critics’ substance just couple of days before releasing your film. And to Sooraj & Athiya; try again, kids! I know you both are lucky enough to get more chances! [1.5/5]   

D-DAY: drought of a good thriller still haunts Bollywood [2.5/5]

Every time a terrorist attack happens in any part of our country, the conversation among common people & the ‘on serious note’ panel discussions on TV get heated with mostly unrequited-unresolved demand for the exile of the most wanted criminal, reportedly residing now in one of the posh cities of our neighboring country.

We all have wanted that much-awaited extradition for ages, and God only knows if that would be possible ever in the future but for now, Nikhil Advani’s sincerely executed yet flawed-Bollywood at heart-taut thriller of high promises D-DAY offers a ‘dream come true’ fictional story line, largely getting built up on ‘would have been-should have been’ conditions applied.

Taking cues from real incidents, in-depth functioning of intelligence agencies & the earnest psyche of undercover agents, where an impressive first half suggests it being an intelligent, well researched, on real locations espionage drama with four Indian secret agents starting off their mission to get Goldman [the man in pink shades modeled on the Dawood Ibrahim, played by immensely likeable Rishi Kapoor] back to India, the second half pointlessly falters with focusing more on the masala; Bollywood is known to plant whenever they start lacking on gripping plots. So, we see emotional urges taking over obvious astuteness, regular tiffs between the team, hard-to-believe successful escape plans and an unfeasible end that totally is to please & blow away audience’s various sentiments regarding this national issue sounded more like a personal war for every countryman. Get your hands ready for claps when see that happen what if only on screen!

Advani’s premise is very appealing-very mass attracting. The execution part is also thoroughly intended and incessantly belongs to the likes of any docu-drama shot in the crowded lanes of Karachi. Narrative pattern that includes timelines of the events on screen to make it look documented effort, works in favor. Special mention to the ‘Alvida’ song for its bloody beautiful visualization, literally! On the acting front, Irrfan does his part with sheer honesty. Watch out for him in heartrending scenes with his family. Arjun Rampal, Shruti Haasan & Huma Quareshi is standard. But if we are talking about performances par expectations, Rishi Kapoor as stylishly dressed Don, Aakash Dahiya as fourth player in the operation and Shriswara as Irrfan’s affably adorable wife top the list. Chandan Roy Sanyal is a complete waste.

At the end, this thrilling operation that had all the means to finish the long-awaited drought of a good thriller miserably could not meet its desirable end, thanks to its own flaws that lie in the high octane drama & a forcibly commercial end in the second half. A troubled case of wasted opportunity! [2.5/5]