BOMBAY VELVET: All flash-no flesh! [2.5/5]

Anurag Kashyap has this unique ability and talent to surprise you with quirky ideas and innovatively conceived elements to see and present things differently on screen. Who else would think of using a popular actor in a portrayal of a male singer mimicking female counterpart in local orchestra (Yashpal Sharma in GANGS OF WASSEYPUR)? Or that breathless all ‘huffy-puffy’ police chase in BLACK FRIDAY revealing chawls and bylanes of Mumbai slums the best way anyone could; or for that matter, the 10-minute long ‘FIR’ sequence in UGLY where cops show great insensitivity towards a possible case of kidnapping of a minor. Sadly, his latest magnum-opus BOMBAY VELVET falls short of that distinctive touch of the filmmaker and then, what it does to its audience can hardly be described as surprising, or amazing, or even impressive at par his past low-budget yet highly-visionary films.

Finding a solid base in historian Gyan Prakash’s writing work MUMBAI FABLES, Anurag brings back an era that looks terrifically vintage of greater visual appeal and also, terribly cliché in holding its fort of being a classic love saga. A street fighter Johnny Balraj [Ranbir Kapoor] with hopes and dreams to die someday being ‘a big shot’ is on the rise as the Bombay of 60’s becomes the literal ‘land’ of opportunities. Land-shark Khambata [Karan Johar] needs someone handy and powerful to set up his empire and the ambitiously vulnerable Balraj is his best bet. Initial success gifts him the love of his life Rosy [Anushka Sharma] - a singer who’s forced to dance on the tunes of a manipulative Press owner Jimmy Mistry [Manish Chaudhary]. Soon, the flashy world of opportunity starts fading out to the shady game of greed, power and ambition.

With an eagle-eye in detailing, Anurag recreates the Bombay of 60’s with one of the best production-designs in Bollywood. The disappearing trams, vintage cars, graphically achieved landscapes, costumes, brilliantly envisioned set-designs; everything in the frame justifies its mark and meaning for being placed there. The club-singer is a recognized Geeta Dutt fan. His chauffer [Vivan Shah] also doesn’t miss to flaunt his so-called ‘pehchan’ with Chic Chocolate- a noted trumpeter with the famous music-director duo Shankar-Jaikishan. These minimal references work but what don’t work are the puzzling plots and subplots. They keep coming to you to earn your precious attention and interest in the film but in a perplexed way and disinterested narration that you are left in disbelief as what is happening and why? The screenplay also is a bumpy ride. Songs and the fascinatingly refined jazz music do some serious kind of damage-repair.

On the performances, Ranbir is precise, measured and totally in-character. His role on paper might sound in correlation with the character his grandfather Raj Kapoor played in SHRI 420 but Ranbir’s is a lot stylish and modern. Anushka, most of the times, is there on stage to lip-sync the club-numbers but whenever she’s off-stage, she manages to pull it off well. Karan Johar handles only one scene well that deserves a mention. His uncontrollable laugh at Balraj’s poor English language skills! For the rest, it is forgettable. Manish Chaudhary is first-rate. Satyadeep Mishra is the only actor who never ever disappoints you. Kay Kay Menon is regular.

At the last, BOMBAY VELVET has striking likeness of Martin Scorsese’s and other films of that style. This could well be Anurag Kashyap’s tribute to the filmmaker but is certainly not the best in his kitty. Watch out if you don’t know who Anurag Kashyap is, and you might come out praising him. For fans, it is a disappointment despite being not-so-bad! [2.5/5]   

HAPPY NEW YEAR: 8-pack doesn’t disappoint! Laughter pack does! [2/5]

Farah Khan’s HAPPY NEW YEAR has blockbuster written all over it. So is Farah Khan’s trademark sense of humor coming out of anything & everything from sexist scrutiny and racist remarks to murderous-merciless mocking at the purest human emotions people usually love to cherish! So if you find nothing bad in ‘alag sirf NAME hain, baaki sab SAME hain’ comment on how Korean and Chinese people look relatively identical to a common ignorant Indian; there are chances you will love HAPPY NEW YEAR for its unarguably pathetic gags, hamming performances and an uneventful heist-plot even any of Farah Khan’s cute triplet could come up to start with.

HAPPY NEW YEAR is nothing but a wastrel celebration of two Khan’s collaboration for a gala event where audiences are cordially invited but their sensibility is taken for granted at many levels. The man on mission here is Charlie [Shah Rukh Khan], a son seeking revenge of his father’s unjust fate from a rich heartless fraud [Jackie Shroff]. To give him back what he deserves, Charlie plans to rob him of his diamonds worth gallons of millions. And there forms, a group of six losers as they love to call themselves with a mother-powered unmarried Parsi [Boman], a tapori [Abhishek], a bar dancer [Deepika], a young tech-savvy hacker [Vivaan] and a strapping & stripping stuntman [Sonu Sood]! But before the D-day comes, they have to be on stage participating in the ‘World Dance Championship’ i.e. ‘India’s got talent’ goes global!

Being unapologetically self-assured about her idea of mass-entertainment, Farah hardly tries to sound or look smart when it comes to give us a plot tagged with predictability as its only nature. Do not think harder or rather not even attempt it and you will easily foresee the next sharp turn ahead. Same goes with the gags. It’s either someone who can’t speak English or someone who has hearing impairment to produce cheap word-plays. Before Shah Rukh playing the master-planner and the captain of the ship comes up with the punch line spoken thrice in the film, “Every loser gets at least one chance to emerge as the winner”; let me tell you the concept of losers shown here. The Parsi brat stammers. The bar dancer constantly gets humiliated as being ‘Bazaaru Aurat’ by no one lesser than our leading man himself and easily falls in trap with his charming looks and English speaking skills. How pitiable can our Indian ladies be! At least in bollywood movies! On the other hand, we have Sonu Sood playing a strong-built single-headed who can jump into a fight soon someone shows disrespect to his mother but he himself doesn’t hesitate mouthing foul words having sisters in center. Double standards! Whatever creates humor!

With a tiring, tedious and repetitive 3 hours of duration, HAPPY NEW YEAR falls short of juicy dialogues, enjoyable dance numbers and praiseworthy performances. Only breathing space you notice is Shah Rukh’s magnetic screen presence, Deepika’s charismatic dance moves and Abhishek’s comic relief but as if Farah would not compromise with her instinct to ruin all emotions, she brings patriotism in the scene just before you try to locate the exit. You can be talent-killer. You can proudly be a robber. You also can be insensitively rude towards your fellow member of human race but just one patriotic song at the end with a tricolor in the backdrop and no one could ever question your heroism. Anyways, who bothers if the man in question is the king of Bollywood himself!

I clearly remember having greater laughs in a couple of ‘Comedy night with Kapil’ episodes on TV where the cast of HAPPY NEW YEAR appeared as its promotional routine. Well, I better go search those on YouTube after resting my case here.  That was epic! This is gimmick! A wafer pack full with air, if you get it! Watch it if you must! [2/5]