फ़ुकरे रिटर्न्स: व्हाट द फ़* रे! [1.5/5]

4 साल बहुत होते हैं बनने-बिगड़ने के लिए. 2013 में मृगदीप सिंह लाम्बा की 'फुकरे' ने दिल्ली के ख़ालिस लापरवाह लौंडों, उनकी छोटी-छोटी तिकड़मों और उनके बेबाक 'दिल्ली-पने' से आपको खूब गुदगुदाया होगा, तब उंगलियाँ नर्म थीं उनकी, चेहरे मासूम और कोशिशें ईमानदार. 4 साल बाद, 'फुकरे रिटर्न्स' में गुदगुदाने की कोशिश करने वाली वही उंगलियाँ अब चुभने लगी हैं. कोशिशें औंधें मुंह गिर पड़ती हैं और फिल्म में मासूमियत की जगह अब भौंडेपन ने ले ली है. नंगे पिछवाड़ों पर सांप डंस रहे हैं, और किरदार चूस-चूस कर उनका ज़हर निकाल रहे हैं. ऐसे दृश्य 'ग्रेट ग्रैंड मस्ती' जैसों में तो बड़ी बेशर्मी से फिट हो ही जाते हैं, यहाँ क्या कर रहे हैं? समझ से परे है. गनीमत की बात सिर्फ इतनी है कि चूचा (वरुण शर्मा) तनिक भी बड़ा नहीं हुआ, और तब पंडित जी का छोटा सा किरदार करने वाले, पंकज त्रिपाठी की पहचान कलाकार के तौर पर अब अच्छी खासी बड़ी हो गयी है. इन दोनों के ही भरोसे फिल्म जितनी भी देर झेली जा सकती है, झेली जाती है.

बेईमान मंत्री बाबूलाल (राजीव गुप्ता) की मदद से भोली पंजाबन (रिचा चड्ढा) जेल से बाहर आ गयी है, और अब फुकरों की टोली से अपनी आज़ादी के लिए खर्च किये पैसों की भरपाई उनसे चाहती है. प्लान वही है, चूचा सपने देखेगा और हन्नी (पुलकित सम्राट) उसके सपने से लॉटरी का नंबर निकालेगा. ज़फर (अली फज़ल) और लाली (मनजोत सिंह) भी रहेंगे, पर क्यों? न कहानी में इसकी कोई बहुत ख़ास वजह मिलती है, ना ही फिल्म में. बहरहाल, प्लान फेल हो जाता है, ठीक वैसे ही जैसे फिल्म के बहुत सारे दोहराव वाले जोक्स. खैर, मदद को इस बार चूचे का एक नया टैलेंट सामने आता है. उसे भविष्य दिखाई देने लगा है. एक गुफ़ा, एक टाइगर, उसका बच्चा, दो राक्षस और एक गुप्त खज़ाना.

जहाँ अपनी पहली फिल्म में, मृगदीप कहानी में हास्य पिरोने का सफल प्रयोग करते हुए दिखाई दिये थे, 'फुकरे रिटर्न्स' में हास्य के अन्दर कहानी डालने की नाकाम कोशिशें करते हैं, और लगातार करते रहते हैं. बीफ़ बैन, इंडिया गेट पर योग करते राजनेता, जानवरों और अंगों की तस्करी जैसे मुद्दों का भी इस्तेमाल करते हैं, पर आखिर में एक काबिल और भरोसेमंद कहानी का अभाव इन सारी कोशिशों को मटियामेट कर देता है. इस बात का अंदाजा आप इसी से लगा सकते हैं कि फिल्म के सबसे मनोरंजक दृश्यों में ज्यादातर फिल्म के सह-कलाकारों के हिस्से आये दृश्य ही शामिल हैं. यमुना नदी के काले गंदे पानी में डुबकी मार कर सिक्के बटोरने वाला आदमी हो, या भोली पंजाबन के बेरोजगार, लाचार, हिंदी बोलने वाले अफ़्रीकी गुर्गे. इनकी संगत और रंगत में आपको ज्यादा मज़ा आता है. 

अली फज़ल को फिल्म में यूँ खर्च होते देखना खलता है. पूरी फिल्म में वो जैसे 'फुकरे' करने का खामियाज़ा भुगत रहे हों. फिल्म की पटकथा मनजोत के साथ भी ऐसी ही कुछ नाइंसाफी बरतती है. पुलकित सम्राट अपनी पिछली कुछ फिल्मों से बेहतर नज़र आते हैं. मुंहफट, लड़ाकू, खूंखार भोली पंजाबन की भूमिका में रिचा चड्ढा इस बार थोड़ी कमज़ोर दिखती हैं. ऐसा इसलिए भी मुमकिन है क्योंकि फिल्म उनके किरदार से कॉमेडी की उम्मीदें लगा बैठती है. आखिर में, बच-बचा के वरुण शर्मा और पंकज त्रिपाठी ही रह जाते हैं. पंकज अपनी चिर-परिचित भाव-भंगिमाओं से ही दर्शकों के चेहरे पर मुस्कान ले आते हैं, ऊपर से हर संवाद के बाद उनका एक 'फाइनल कमेंट'. इस एक अदाकार को आप घंटों एकटक देख सकते हैं, और बोर नहीं होंगे. वरुण के अभिनय की मासूमियत भी कुछ ऐसी ही है, लेकिन उनका अपने आप को बार-बार दोहराना थोड़ा निराश करता है. वरना तो 'फुकरे रिटर्न्स' के असली फुकरे वही हैं. 

अंत में; लाम्बा ने यमुना पार की तंग गलियों से लेकर गुडगाँव की रेव पार्टियों तक का जिक्र और इत्र जिस चालाकी से 'फुकरे' में पेश किया था, 'फुकरे रिटर्न्स' सतही तौर ही दिल्ली को फिल्म में ढाल पाती है. गौर करने वाली एक नयी बात सिर्फ इतनी सी है कि दिल्ली का मुख्यमंत्री 'स्कैम'-विरोधी है, पैंट-शर्ट पहनता है और सिर्फ एक फ़ोन पर किसी से भी मिल सकता है. काश, फिल्म थोड़ी और दिल्ली की हो पाती, और अपने आपको कम दोहराती! [1.5/5]

DILWALE: Guns and Roses, Jammed and Wilted! [2/5]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Pretending is ridiculous. I really wonder how could someone disregard this golden rule of comedy and still call himself a master of the same. Rohit Shetty’s DILWALE suffers heavily from this exact syndrome where almost everyone involved with the project pretends to be someone else. Rohit acts [behind the camera, as director] as if he’s none less than Late Mukul Anand. Varun Dhawan makes faces as if he’s his dad’s favorite Govinda. Kajol and Shahrukh pretend comfortably to be in a love-story within a comedy within an action thriller [Now you know why Varun compares it with INCEPTION. Yeah, he did. You heard it right!]. The film itself lives in a make-believe world to be a HUM (1991) in plot-construction and DDLJ (1995) in promotional gimmicks. And pretending is ridiculous, I tell you. So, the only two who don’t fall in the pit are Pankaj Tripathi and Sanjay Mishra; one plays a character [where mosts play their aura] and the other does a spick and span imitation of Jeevan Saab.

DILWALE settles its base in Asian Paints sponsored Buenos Aires, Venice and Charleston parts of Goa. Kids here if not driving modified multihued cars, sure would find themselves in a clash for ‘tera laal mere laal se jyada laal kaise?’. Raj [Shahrukh Khan] with his younger brother Veer [Varun Dhawan] runs a Dilip Chhabria inspired garage-cum-design factory and stays mostly as calm as Aloknath in any Barjatya film. Well, mostly. Soon, you find him throwing professional punches on 10-12 goons in a Shahenshah-like working module at nights to ensure audiences that the guy definitely has a dark past behind. Plot gets thicken when Veer meets Ishita [Kriti Sanon] and Raj discovers that the girl is the younger sister of his ex-flame Meera [Kajol]. The star-crossed lovers have many secrets to unravel including murders, betrayals and mix-ups.

So what if it belongs to an average formula of 90’s; DILWALE had a decent story to start with until Rohit Shetty starts promoting it as a great story. Bringing the best on-screen couple together after so long was alone a big pull for the film but Rohit couldn’t hold himself from polluting the same breezy idea of romance with his colossal caring for flying cars, blasting cars, drifting cars, toppling cars and the very dry and dreary sense of slapstick comedy. Since when and why do the charm of Shahrukh and the flair of Kajol need substantial comic sub-tracks having Boman Irani, Johnny Lever, Varun Sharma and Mukesh Tiwari? The film’s high points are mostly with Kajol where she looked, acted and ruled the screen in same potion of intensity, integrity and beauty she’s been always admired for. DILWALE also fails to recreate the chemistry between Kajol and Shahrukh. Rohit does ensure that they both look their best on-screen but it all comes out as a lifeless still postcard and not as a lively moment to cherish.

On the performances, Shahrukh does exactly what he’s been doing in CHENNAI EXPRESS & HAPPY NEW YEAR. He charms the ladies, woos the fans, promotes brands and guarantees a ‘No risk’ cover for his producers [He himself is the one]. Varun Dhawan becomes pathetic, irritating and unbearable at times. Kriti is good, balanced and doesn’t disappoint. Varun Sharma is wasted, especially in a girlfriend-bashing monologue inspired by Kartik Aryan’s in PYAAR KA PUNCHNAMA. Kajol is the only redeemer here but in those tiresome and trivial 2 hr 34 min of total duration, trust me, even her spark begins to fade.

At last, Rohit Shetty’s DILWALE is another product that highlights the demand and supply rule in Bollywood. Why to waste time and money on hunt for a concrete story if you can easily make hefty lot of money by just arranging some hit formula-bricks, without even considering the right order it should be in. The film sees around 100 brand tie-ups on opening graphic-plates; I missed brands for pain-relief tablets there. Take a pill, before you try to chill in the theatre! [2/5]

KIS KISKO PYAR KAROON: Love it? Naah, leave it! [1/5]

In times when Govinda is pushing himself hard to reinvent his career with at least ‘his best in considerately not-so-good films’, someone is trying to do a typical Govinda act. I laugh, but hardly at the act and mostly at the ridiculous choice one has made to mark his calling for the big screen. Abbas-Mustan’s KIS KISKO PYAAR KAROON sees not only the rise of absurd, silly and tasteless writing in bollywood comedies seeking laughs at each & every scene but also the regrettable fall of the magical talent of India’s most-loved entertainer on Television named & famed as Kapil Sharma. I really wonder if one should go dumb before enjoying these comedies. If so, where should I dump my brain jam-packed with all the hard-earned sense and sensibilities? I think the makers should set up a counter outside the theatre.

KIS KISKO PYAAR KAROON tries to be a situational comedy where the situations are all fabricated, unreasonable and totally convenient to the plot. It is also a film that questions and insults the intellect of today’s women exactly the way Kapil hits on his TV show. Here, he plays Shiv Ram Kishen Kumar- a millionaire owning 4 flats in a skyscraper on the most-expensive Nariman Point of Mumbai [I can be wrong of the exact address though], 3 wives [Manjari Phadnis, Sai Lokur & Simran Kaur Mundi] to fill in as some of the designer furniture and a hot-body girlfriend [Eli Avram] supposedly being the ‘love’ of his life. Hard to digest? Wait, there is more. Considering the same apartment they are placed smartly by their ‘all in one’ husband, the wives become friends. They party together. They shop together. In fact, they jog together but their mind doesn’t shift an inch to find out that they are sharing the same man. I m not judging them but how can one marry a guy without knowing his full name. This guy in polygamy uses each part of his name as his identity to all 4 girls in his life. And guess what, the sympathy is always in the court of the husband. Actually, he plays a Krishna from Mahabharata who prefers to marry every ‘Abla Naari’ in his way to rescue them from their ill-fated world. The only problem here is, there is no religion to back the faith in his persona. Comedy could possibly be the force but sadly, it also fails.

KIS KISKO PYAAR KAROON is a film that believes in creating problems in name of the plot-development and then solving all of it in an explanatory and emotional climax. One’s misery is other’s laugh but it all become offensive when you see everyone acting calm as the deads about serious issues like polygamy, cheating, extra-marital affairs and all of that related to women’s respect. Could we also react the same way if a woman is seen playing wife to 4 different men? Would we not call her names? I think enough is never enough for Bollywood filmmakers. The film constantly hits the low in comedy and becomes a torture at some point. How many millions of times you want to laugh at a man hiding his identity with banging his face in the cake? People carry the ‘printed’ photographs to identify someone in times of e-mails, Whats App and Camera-phones. I mean, really? An underworld don [Arbaaz Khan] can orchestrate a 5-crore ransom but can’t afford a hearing-aid. I know why. To bless the film’s writer buy some more screen-time to try his luck in making us laugh at one’s disability. Someone is sick. Really!

Surprisingly, the supporting cast contributes more to work in favor of the film’s whole propaganda of being a comedy film than the principal cast. Varun Sharma despite acting his regular methods since his first break in FUKREY is very much watchable. Jamie Lever, the daughter of ace comedian Johnny Lever shows a great promise and has the most fertile and the best gags in the movie. Arbaaz Khan, Sharat Saxena and Supriya Pathak Kapur are also a much relief. The female brigade hardly impresses. And now the man himself; no one can actually doubt Kapil’s ability to make people laugh but the big canvas is a different ball game altogether. Here, actors rarely manage to go beyond the script to instate their strata even if the film is bad. And I am talking about actors.

At the end, KIS KISKO PYAAR KAROON is a big forgettable comic set. On Television, it might go overlooked but watching someone mouthing cheesy one-liners on big screen and not noticing his all dull, dry and dead lips sans lip-balm is the worst screen-makeup I have seen. If banning is being a fashion these days, [Though I don’t encourage of any kinds] I would call a ban on these mindless comedies that could harm a lot within you. Go back to the television, if you really want to see Kapil’s infectious energy, honesty, charm and the ruling power he holds in his show. You won’t find any of these in KIS KISKO PYAAR KAROON. Nothing can force you to love it! [1/5]   

DOLLY KI DOLI: An enjoyable ride! Short & sweet!! [2.5/5]

Marriage is a box full of surprises. You never know what comes next and in what shape, each & everyday. Sometimes, you keep waiting for one all your life and it never happens. But few are really the luckiest to have it experienced the very first morning. At least, for the on-screen grooms and their families in Abhishek Dogra’s con-comedy DOLLY KI DOLI!

A fake, cheat and single-minded bride is on loose to con filthy rich grooms. She [Sonam Kapoor, too fragile for a con artist] makes the target fall in love with her, marries him, drugs the whole family on her very last of the ‘first nights’ and runs away with all their shitloads of money and jewellery. In her victims, there is Sonu Sehrawat [Rajkummar Rao] a Haryanvi flashy boy and a desperate mumma’s boy from Delhi [Varun Sharma of FUKREY fame]. Picture this; when they meet each other appreciating the fact that Dolly is the one married to both, Varun asks naively, “bhai, iss hisaab se humara rishta kya hua? (Bro, what kind of relationship we are in now?”. Giggles come with guarantee at such cases and there are many in DOLLY KI DOLI, no doubt on that.

Based on a real chain of events and a crime-story of ‘Looteri Dulhan’ in northern India, Abhishek Dogra’s DOLLY KI DOLI works because of the humor in the script that comes easy like one after the other and the characters who despite being the typical ones, charm you endlessly. Rajkummar Rao is in top form. Watching him dancing like there’s no one to care in an item number with Malaika, is a treat. His Haryanvi is perfectly portrayed and wins your heart by the simplicity in the character and the sincerity in the performance. Sonam plays Dolly with total ease yet she doesn’t look very convincing as a con artiste. Varun is cute, indeed. He, in a sense continues his FUKREY performance. So, if you had liked him earlier, have another slice of the same. Pulkit Samrat as the cop after Dolly’s capture definitely had Salman Khan’s Chulbul Pandey in DABANGG as his acting reference. Taking cues from Salman’s dialogue, “hum yahaan ke robin hood hain”, he even possesses the name Robin.

And then, my favorite track in the film. Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub [of RAANJHANAA] plays the fake brother to Sonam’s Dolly and at one point; he declines to play her brother anymore as he has romantic feelings for her. This alone has so much potential in creating comedy and drama both. Alas, it wasn’t treated well. Film’s biggest strength is the length. In its crisper than masala papad 107 mins of total duration, film could have been a laugh-riot but it comprises with being just an enjoyable watch; and the culprit here is the uneven screenplay lacking the power to convince. Film hurriedly tries to justify Dolly’s reasons to go for fake marriages after she fails in one. In today’s times, can you imagine a courtship of more than a couple of months and there is no ‘kiss’ happening between the two because of the stupidest of all ‘yeh sab shaadi ke baad’ excuse? All because, we can’t show our bad girl being so bad! Black is here not so dark. I wish writing in Bollywood gets mature soon.

At the end, DOLLY KI DOLI is an enjoyable ride you won’t regret much after leaving theatre. Rajkummar Rao ensures most of it. It’s short & sweet unlike Indian marriages. [2.5/5]