अज़हर: वन्स अपॉन अ टाइम इन क्रिकेट [1/5]

शुरुआत में ही, अपने तीन पैराग्राफ लम्बे बयान [Disclaimer] के साथ ‘अज़हर’ विवादों से बचने और कुछ बहुत जरूरी सवालों से मीलों दूर रहने की समझदार कोशिश में दर्शकों पर इतनी शर्तें लाद देती है कि कहना मुश्किल हो जाता है, आप एक जीते-जागते शख्सियत पर बनी एक ईमानदार फिल्म देखने जा रहे हैं या फिर एक पूरी तरह मनगढ़ंत कहानी. फिल्म की विश्वसनीयता, नीयत और सूरत का अंदाज़ा आप इसी बात से लगा सकते हैं कि अगर इसका नाम ‘अज़हर’ न होकर ‘जन्नत 3’ या ‘वन्स अपॉन अ टाइम इन क्रिकेट’ भी होता, तो भी फिल्म की सीरत में कोई बड़ा बदलाव नहीं दिखता. आखिर में रहती तो ये इमरान हाशमी की ही फिल्म. आगे बढ़ने से पहले एक Disclaimer मैं भी पढ़ देना चाहता हूं, “आगे की पंक्तियों में ‘अज़हर’ शब्द का इस्तेमाल सिर्फ और सिर्फ फिल्म के शीर्षक और फिल्म के मुख्य किरदार के लिए किया जा रहा है. इसका किसी भी मशहूर क्रिकेटर या पूर्व सांसद से कोई लेना देना नहीं है.” लीजिये, अब मैं भी फिल्म की राह पर पूरी तरह स्वच्छंद और स्वतंत्र हूँ, कुछ भी उल-जलूल लिखने-कहने के लिए!

99वें टेस्ट मैच में शानदार प्रदर्शन के बाद, अज़हर [इमरान हाशमी] अब अपने नानूजान [कुलभूषण खरबंदा] के सपने से सिर्फ एक मैच और दूर है, जब उसे मैच-फिक्सिंग के इल्ज़ाम में क्रिकेट खेलने से बैन कर दिया जाता है. इस फिल्म वाले अज़हर को भारतीय क्रिकेट टीम के सबसे कामयाब कप्तान मोहम्मद अज़हरुद्दीन के रूप में देखने की गलती करने की आपको पूरी छूट है, हालाँकि मुझे ये दोनों [परदे का अज़हर और असलियत के अज़हरुद्दीन] वो दो जुड़वाँ भाई लगते हैं जिनका आपस में कुछ भी मिलता नहीं. न शकल, न हाव-भाव! 

हाँ, फिल्म की कुछ घटनाएं और किरदार जरूर आपको इस भूल-भुलैय्ये में उलझाये रखते हैं कि आप एक सच्ची कहानी देख रहे हैं. मसलन, अज़हर के साथ ड्रेसिंग रूम शेयर करते मनोज प्रभाकर [करणवीर शर्मा], नवजोत सिंह सिद्धू [मंजोत सिंह], रवि शास्त्री [गौतम गुलाटी], कपिल देव [वरुण वडोला] और अज़हर की जिंदगी में खासा दखल रखने वाली 90 के दशक की खूबसूरत बॉलीवुड एक्ट्रेस संगीता बिजलानी [नरगिस फाखरी]. इन सबमें अगर कोई अपने किरदार के बहुत करीब तक पहुँच पाने में कामयाब हुआ है तो वो हैं सिर्फ नरगिस. उनका और संगीता बिजलानी दोनों का ही एक्टिंग से कभी कोई सरोकार रहा नहीं.  

हालाँकि ‘अज़हर’ सनसनीखेज बने रहने का कोई मौका हाथ से जाने नहीं देती, पर दिक्कत वहां मुंह बाये खड़ी हो जाती है जब फिल्म ईमानदारी से कहानी कहने की बजाय अज़हर को ‘हीरो’, ‘बेक़सूर’ और ‘बेचारा’ बनाने और बताने की जी-तोड़ कोशिश आप पर थोपने लगती है. रोमांच और रोमांस का तड़का जिस सस्ते, हलके और ठन्डे तरीके से फिल्म में परोसा जाता है, आप मोहम्मद अज़हरुद्दीन [फिल्म वाला नहीं, असली वाला] से सिर्फ हमदर्दी ही जता पाते हैं. ‘देश’, ‘मुल्क’ और ‘कौम’ जैसे भारी-भरकम शब्दों के बार-बार खोखले इस्तेमाल से अगर आप बच भी जाएँ, तो ‘सच ये, सच वो’ का जुमला आपका दम घोंटने के लिए काफी है. रजत अरोरा के दोयम दर्जे के संवाद सिर्फ शब्दों की हेरा-फेरी तक ही अपना जादू चला पाते हैं. उनके मायने ढूँढने की गलती कीजियेगा भी मत.

‘अज़हर’ एक निहायत ही डरपोक किस्म की नाकाबिल फिल्म है जो सिर्फ उन बातों को चुनती है, जिनके कहने-सुनने में किसी तरह का कोई अन्तर्विरोध पैदा न हो. एक बहुत ही हलकी फिल्म जो अपने ‘हीरो’ के साथ कहीं से भी कोई न्याय नहीं करती! फिल्म में बुकी से पैसे लेकर भी अच्छा खेल जाने पर अज़हर की सफाई सुनिए, “मैंने पैसे रख लिए ताकि तुम किसी और खिलाड़ी तक पहुँच न सको...तुम्हारे पैसे वापस भिजवा रहा हूँ’. अब अपनी कहानी में तो सब खुद ही हीरो होते हैं, इसमें नया क्या है? बस्स, इस कहानी में दम नहीं! [1/5]                

FITOOR: Oh, you (Hopeless) beauty! [2.5/5]

Apart from the jingoistic emotions and vigorous political projection attached to it, India has advanced another reason to not lose its possession over Kashmir. Bollywood loves to shake down this heavenly geographical part & pride of India to its maximum, sometimes by planting a great Shakespearean saga of love, power and betrayal under the grime of its atrocious past [Read: Vishal Bhardwaj’s HAIDER] or sometimes just by using its picturesque postcard locations as a canvas to paint someone’s cinematic dream. Abhishek Kapoor’s FITOOR fits the bill for the latter. Along with his man behind the lenses Anay Goswami, Abhishek stuns you with magnetic visuals capturing icy lakes, snow-clad wooden foot-over bridges, crimson-red mansions and some equally wooden-evenly frosty faces in and around too, in identical respect.

Official adaptation of Charles Dickens’ GREAT EXPECTATIONS, FITOOR is a tale of two star-crossed childhood lovers. They look nothing more than puppets in evil hands of fate dancing on someone else’s tune. Impoverished Noor [Aditya Roy Kapoor] finds a manipulative curator in Begum Hazrat [Tabu] and a susceptibly shifting lover in her daughter Firdaus [Katrina Kaif]. Their ways go apart to meet again but destined to demand more from their lives. The obsession fueled by the love and longing is ready to self-destruct all the dreams and hopes one is always lived for.

FITOOR is very much like the actors playing parts in it. It looks as ravishing, radiant and exquisite as Katrina Kaif on any given day. You can look breathlessly at both until they try to communicate with you. Ms Kaif’s weird diction and pronunciation force you to look out for a ‘never there’ remote control that could either fast-forward the scene or just mute her to make you switch to the ‘beauty-admiration’ mode again. Film also starts behaving like Ms Kaif, at times. It speaks, and a lot but expressions do get lost while being translated on screen. Guess what? Ms Kaif goes to London in this film too. Why? To get her admired accent. How many more times Bollywood will bless her with that added explanatory mention for her accent??

It is also on the likes of Aditya Roy Kapoor. He makes his presence felt on screen but does it at such a lifeless pace and with such a static force that you can never call it ‘a moving experience’. A self-destructive youth caught in the ill-fated love; haven’t we seen him before in such pitiable state? But the one where the film never ceases to hold the power to impress and ignite emotions on many levels is the performance of Tabu. This role earlier had the never-aging, ever-young Rekha in it but Tabu owns it now. From the sharp and shrewd lonesome soul to the hysterically remorseful aging beauty, she looked never so exposed. In other, the casting does have some surprising names from Lara Dutta and Aditi Rao Hyderi to ghazal singer Talat Aziz, mostly in favor of the film.

FITOOR doesn’t often satisfy you as a great drama or a gorgeous love-story but with the controlled direction, some amazing musical renditions by Amit Trivedi and a totally outstanding cinematography, it remains one of those unfortunate cinematic efforts that doesn’t get a full support from its lead pair and dies in a tough fight to survive its killing pace. [2.5/5] 

SINGH IS BLIING: Bad, boorish and boring! [1.5/5]

Placing a graphical ‘homage’ plate belonging mostly to the financer’s/the producer’s departed family members just before the movie actually starts is an everyday fashion in Bollywood. The movie doesn’t really require to believe in following ethics and morals the ‘ever smiling’ gentleman in the picture might have been practicing all his life but his blessings are always needed there as if only that can ensure the pleasant monetary shower at the box-office. Now, I would like to see some bollywood films to carry an added plate of ‘RIP Cinema’ as they seldom show any hint of having the same in nature, intent and content. PrabhuDheva’s SINGH IS BLIING should be considered the leading light for putting this into practice. Leave cinema as the technique alone, this one doesn’t bother to get down to the nitty-gritty of filmmaking process i.e. story, plot and screenplay. It only marks an infertile collaboration of two so-called creative minds who think they can pull out any shit under the prestigious tag of entertainment.

SINGH IS BLIING in its name itself denies any promise to gift you anything logical or digestible. Raftaar Singh [Khiladi Kumar] is a 45 year plus blockhead who can plant a dog with artificial coat of fur when the real lion goes missing. And is also an English illiterate who won’t move an inch if you just throw the word ‘go’ at him and don’t signal with your hands. I wonder if the ‘Sarv Shiksha Abhiyaan’ is really a success or the Punjab shown in the film is actually on Mars! Meanwhile, a Romanian girl Sara [Amy Jackson] has to come to India [comfortably in Goa] as some crazyhead gangster [Kay Kay Menon] wants her life for I don’t recall why. Raftaar is now guarding her body with two equally irritating friends from Punjab and a geeky translator [Lara Dutta, actually and only one funny]. What follows next can never be described as a storyline. There are only a number of skits put together to reach an average film’s length. The girl has also a hidden agenda to search for her separated mommy. Raftaar has to take her Punjab for exactly 4 scenes and a song. The love-story between an English ignorant and the exact opposite girl blooms over annoying conversations full of miscommunication and more than 60% of it being subtitled in Hindi. And then; a side-track involving Lara and the two supporting comedians where Lara sleepwalks [Why to only blame her if everyone else also does the same in the film?] and crushes both’s manhood responsible for reproduction purposes with coconut! Painful it is. For viewers too!

PrabhuDheva’s rotten idea of comedy gels perfectly with the mannerism-driven physical buffoonery Akshay Kumar brings on screen. He is cool, casual and confident about him playing a Mr. Beans with turban. With no rhyme or reason, Kumar and Prabhu both keep exploiting the Sikh-sentiments throughout the film. Amy Jackson as the goon-bashing girl is narrowed to speak in accented English and is never forced to try Hindi dialogues. Strategy to save some nuisance successful! Kay Kay Menon looks out still stuck in his DRONA days. In his limited role, he’s limited too. The son of Shashi Kapoor, Kunal Kapoor [of VIJETA fame] makes a guest appearance and does succeed in reminding his father’s on-screen charisma and presence in flares and flashes. Lara Dutta plays it very outlandish; but trust me, it works very well in favor of the character’s guts. Her character might go main lead from the supporting cast if someone behind the writing desk could identify the hidden potential there.

Overall, SINGH IS BLIING is nothing but a smart selling idea to encash the success of SINGH IS KINGG. The next offering in the series could be anything under the name ‘SINGH IS FLING’ or ‘SINGH IS CLING’. After all, who cares what it means? The film sees ‘Grazing Goat Pictures’ credited for the story. Now, I can imagine why. Who would want to get associated with such inadmissible, unfortunate and regrettable piece of writing? Avoidable! [1.5/5]