SINGH IS BLIING: Bad, boorish and boring! [1.5/5]

Placing a graphical ‘homage’ plate belonging mostly to the financer’s/the producer’s departed family members just before the movie actually starts is an everyday fashion in Bollywood. The movie doesn’t really require to believe in following ethics and morals the ‘ever smiling’ gentleman in the picture might have been practicing all his life but his blessings are always needed there as if only that can ensure the pleasant monetary shower at the box-office. Now, I would like to see some bollywood films to carry an added plate of ‘RIP Cinema’ as they seldom show any hint of having the same in nature, intent and content. PrabhuDheva’s SINGH IS BLIING should be considered the leading light for putting this into practice. Leave cinema as the technique alone, this one doesn’t bother to get down to the nitty-gritty of filmmaking process i.e. story, plot and screenplay. It only marks an infertile collaboration of two so-called creative minds who think they can pull out any shit under the prestigious tag of entertainment.

SINGH IS BLIING in its name itself denies any promise to gift you anything logical or digestible. Raftaar Singh [Khiladi Kumar] is a 45 year plus blockhead who can plant a dog with artificial coat of fur when the real lion goes missing. And is also an English illiterate who won’t move an inch if you just throw the word ‘go’ at him and don’t signal with your hands. I wonder if the ‘Sarv Shiksha Abhiyaan’ is really a success or the Punjab shown in the film is actually on Mars! Meanwhile, a Romanian girl Sara [Amy Jackson] has to come to India [comfortably in Goa] as some crazyhead gangster [Kay Kay Menon] wants her life for I don’t recall why. Raftaar is now guarding her body with two equally irritating friends from Punjab and a geeky translator [Lara Dutta, actually and only one funny]. What follows next can never be described as a storyline. There are only a number of skits put together to reach an average film’s length. The girl has also a hidden agenda to search for her separated mommy. Raftaar has to take her Punjab for exactly 4 scenes and a song. The love-story between an English ignorant and the exact opposite girl blooms over annoying conversations full of miscommunication and more than 60% of it being subtitled in Hindi. And then; a side-track involving Lara and the two supporting comedians where Lara sleepwalks [Why to only blame her if everyone else also does the same in the film?] and crushes both’s manhood responsible for reproduction purposes with coconut! Painful it is. For viewers too!

PrabhuDheva’s rotten idea of comedy gels perfectly with the mannerism-driven physical buffoonery Akshay Kumar brings on screen. He is cool, casual and confident about him playing a Mr. Beans with turban. With no rhyme or reason, Kumar and Prabhu both keep exploiting the Sikh-sentiments throughout the film. Amy Jackson as the goon-bashing girl is narrowed to speak in accented English and is never forced to try Hindi dialogues. Strategy to save some nuisance successful! Kay Kay Menon looks out still stuck in his DRONA days. In his limited role, he’s limited too. The son of Shashi Kapoor, Kunal Kapoor [of VIJETA fame] makes a guest appearance and does succeed in reminding his father’s on-screen charisma and presence in flares and flashes. Lara Dutta plays it very outlandish; but trust me, it works very well in favor of the character’s guts. Her character might go main lead from the supporting cast if someone behind the writing desk could identify the hidden potential there.

Overall, SINGH IS BLIING is nothing but a smart selling idea to encash the success of SINGH IS KINGG. The next offering in the series could be anything under the name ‘SINGH IS FLING’ or ‘SINGH IS CLING’. After all, who cares what it means? The film sees ‘Grazing Goat Pictures’ credited for the story. Now, I can imagine why. Who would want to get associated with such inadmissible, unfortunate and regrettable piece of writing? Avoidable! [1.5/5]           

ABCD 2 (3D): 157 min long ‘Dance India Dance’ episode! [2.5/5]

Most of the times, you have to have seen the first part before opting to go for a movie-sequel. Well, most of the times! Written & directed by Remo D’souza, ABCD 2 (3D) doesn’t actually ask you to tick that box first but yes, you have to be a television junkie who keeps watching dance reality shows even on repeat telecast. The weathered formula for a TRP seeking episode is applied here utterly and unimaginatively to set the box-office ringing. And it succeeds, until just diving into stretching it too much to uphold your excitement on brilliantly performed dance-steps. More than calling ABCD 2 (3D) a dance-film, I think we should settle it with the term ‘dance-drama’ considering it has dance and (Melo) drama both in equal and strong measure.

Inspired by the real-life event of Fictitious Dance Group of Nalasopara, Mumbai making an incredible journey of rising from the rag to winning an international dance show; ABCD 2 (3D) follows the spirit of dance as much as shown on TV these days. Suresh [Played by Varun Dhawan] and his group of underdogs have been evicted from a dance reality show for exact-replicating moves from a famous YouTube video. To regain the lost respect in the arena; now they must enter a World Dance Championship in Las Vegas but not before convincing Vishnu Sir [Prabhudheva] to coach the team. Rest is a ‘seen before-been there’ series of dance performances in the championship mixed well with issues of different natures to make the ride tougher and trickier.

Remo D’souza doesn’t leave any stone unturned to make ABCD 2 (3D) a perfect dance film filled with its own share of dramatic subplots and emotional stories to make you go ‘Awww’ over. His mastery at choreographing dance numbers in the most astonishing way is undoubtedly at par any suggested standard, he also manages to take you through stunning visuals and spectacular cinematography but what lacks big time is the need of a good connecting story to cement all this. Subplots look placed precisely as any dance reality show does to mark a jump in TRP ratings. An unfortunate accident in rehearsal, missing mentor just before the main event, a severely ailing teammate and if this was not it, there are dedicated dance items to ignite your religious and nationalistic sentiments.

Film’s high points include your favorite ‘Dance India Dance’ stars sharing space on big screen, some genuinely well-conceived 3D shots and the hard works of its lead i.e. Varun & Shraddha Kapoor. If you could notice the camera shots not implying quick cuts on their dance, you will cherish the fact that both the stars are very dependable dancers too. Of course, Raghav Juyal aka Croc-roach, Dharmesh Sir and Punit Pathak of DID fame are there to beat your hearts faster than you think with much better and cleaner dance moves, still the Varun-Shraddha duo earn the deserving admiration. The cameos by Prachi Shah, Lauren Gottlieb, Pooja Batra and Tisca Chopra don’t do unjust.

Overall, ABCD 2 (3D) can only be remembered as a 157-min long extended episode of Dance India Dance- a reality dance show on Indian Television. If you can watch brilliantly choreographed, well-executed & passionately performed dance numbers back to back, one after the other for nearly 3 hours, this should be your bet. Watch out for the amazing title sequence performed by Illuminati UV light Group of ‘India’s Got Talent’, the chemistry between the real dancing heroes, astounding choreography and an arresting camerawork!              

ACTION JACKSON: Torture has a new name! Don’t take the risk! [1/5]

India is a land where superstitions are the most fertile substance, that too without having much substance. Ranging from the black cat crossing your path to someone sneezing at you while you’re making your best move; superstitions don’t demand much but quite a few non-rational minds with blind-faith. Add a new count to the list. If you are a girl tagged as ‘unlucky’ by your friends and have same amount of common sense as Sonakshi flaunts in the film, here is the good news. Seeing someone special [Ajay Devgn in this case] in his undies could get you promotions in your job or you might also win a jackpot at your nearest mega mart. I wish making audience feel the same would have been so easy for Prabhudheva!

Prabhudheva’s latest brainless entertainer ACTION JACKSON is a terribly torturous exercise not only to watch it as a viewer but also to recollect and reconcile it on paper as a film reviewer. Trust me, I could go and copy paragraphs from my earlier reviews of such mindless 100 Cr club entries to paste it here and you would never notice a thing. But then, I am no Prabhudheva myself. There’s nothing called story in this weirdly comic and miserably painful action drama as such; still, I would try my best to make you understand how difficult and excruciating it could get to sit through.

Ajay Devgn plays a good-hearted gunda who can intimidate a school principal for not giving admission to a street-vendor’s son just because the father is an illiterate. So what if while doing such good social work with help of the shining dagger in his hands, he forgets that the kid is there in the frame too, probably having wrong impressions about which career is the most considerable and dependable of the both. Sonakshi plays you know what. She has been playing this role for the nth time now and is still, very far from mastering it. Kunaal Roy Kapoor of ‘DELHI BELLY’ enters the Limca Book of worst Records for making a mark in slap-stick comedies. He gets slapped non-stop in every scene he makes appearance in to bring some smile on your face. Acting is a painful process for many, I guess!

And then; in the midst of so many disappointments, shines and rises the Femina Miss India 2010 Manasvi Mamgain making her debut as the bad girl Marina. She carries her promise at the pageant to empower women in India by playing a tough and determined girl who intrepidly dares the machoman Ajay Devgn in the film with, “Mujhe jo cheej pasand aa jaaye, wo meri ho jaati”. Bravo, for beating all the Gulshan Grovers & Prem Chopras of Bollywood!

Overall, ACTION JACKSON is filled with gravity-defying action sequences, absurdly placed dance numbers, comedy that hardly tickles any bone and a lot of ear-deafening sound effects. The plot gets thicken only at the time of interval when the twist gets unraveled. And it works, especially to make you convinced about not leaving the film in the interval only. Mission successful! You are fooled, again. Like said in the first para, India is a land of superstitions. Blending hysterical hammering action, bizarrely non-sense comedy and rude romance with added star-value would make a complete entertainer, is another myth. Don’t trust. Stay away! [1/5]  

R…RAJKUMAR: The Worst Mash-up of Action, Emotion & Drama! Southern curry turns sour & tasteless!! [1.5/5]

Try to visualize 12 minutes of bone cracking- neck breaking fight stunts, 10 minutes of absurdly insensitive & irksome concept of romance where the boy does nothing but stalking the girl and 3-4 minutes of bum shaking- chest popping dance sequences filled with pelvic movements & blended in with equally annoying lyrics with no sense or sensibility! It is not hard I guess, since we all have seen such formula lately in many 100 Cr club entries. Now, multiply this whole formula with 5, add some credit rolls in the opening & closing and whatever filth/waste you will take home is nothing but Prabhu Dheva’s southern curry & sheer stupidity in the name of mass entertainment called ‘R…RAJKUMAR’!  

‘R…RAJKUMAR’ is the worst mash-up of all the ingredients required for a blockbuster. It has action, it has drama and it has humor but lacks a good punch in the storyline and the much-needed smart & skilled expert hands to mix it well. The wafer-thin story doesn’t give much scope to shock & surprise you in every sense. Romeo Rajkumar [Shahid Kapoor’s first & the most commercial attempt to set the box-office ringing], a fearless rowdy working as the most promising sidekick to Shivraj [Sonu Sood in an equal share of screen presence] falls in love at the first sight with Chanda [Sonakshi gets repetitive in her typical ‘Dabangg’ avatar]. Game Changes when Shivraj’s lust for Chanda forces Rajkumar to stand against his powerful master.

Film doesn’t bother to show any kind of involvement of intelligence, sensibility or respect, neither in writing nor in performances. Characters mouth dialogues that start & end with harsh addressing sounds and with very little hints of logics! Women here are just a material to own at any cost and even thrown in the pool of gaming as the winner’s trophy. In performances, Shahid shows off his upper hand in highly flexible moves for action & dance. Sonu also succeeds in flaunting his well-built muscles and in some of the comic scenes. Sonakshi should really need to work on her priorities in choosing roles. I fear if this would land her in the league of forgetful actors. In others; from Ashish Vidyarthi to Asrani, everyone else is as loud as they could be. Notice if you can, Bharat Dabholkar wearing Merlyn Monroe printed Ties whenever he appears on the screen and that could add some joy to feel in the wasteland of tasteless entertainment.        

In the very climax, Shivraj beats & thrashes Rajkumar his guts out with metal rods, wooden furniture and anything that comes in way! Our Romeo Rajkumar as he is supposed to be in deep love; feels no pain or hurting…so do we but because of the beatings and bashings we have been experiencing since the very start to become numb till the time, to any kind of brutality.  

In other words or in better words if I choose to describe Prabhu Dheva’s  ‘R…RAJKUMAR’, it would end up sounding like bam…bang…bash…biff…buff…bong…bonk…bop…clang…clank…crash…dong…fash…pock…plunk…shoop…shwap…swoosh…snap…slap…splat…throb…thud…thump…thung…thunk…tup…whack…wham…whop…whump and zlopp! This weekend, be blessed-be safe-stay at home! [1.5/5]

BOSS: Another milestone in senseless action-comedy aimed to touch 100 Cr mark! [2/5]

First rejoinder:

I don’t recall when was the last time I wanted to cheer for the villain beating the hero to his guts out till I sensed myself ready to whistle for Ronit Roy in his final collision with Akshay Kumar in Anthony D’Souza’s BOSS. Reasons could range from my fondness for the prior [Thanks to Motwane’s UDAAN] to his completely black yet the most consistent performance in the film or it could also be my ‘controlled till now’ patience blasting and demanding nothing but someone from the cast taking a stand and whipping-thrashing & battering the character of Akshay Kumar for all the mindless action he does in the film. For me, the performance of DCP Ayushman Thakur played by Ronit Roy is my takeaway from the film! Rest is forgettable!

What is it?

Exactly. What was it? at the most, plot could be described best as a distant relative of all the recent mindless potboilers including Akshay Kumar’s own Rowdy Rathore, Khiladi 786 and hundreds of late 80’s Dharmendra/Mithun chakraborty popular action entertainers. No wonder, in the similar manner you see the hero being introduced as ‘in & as’ format only after 30 odd minutes in the film followed by opening titles in another 10-12 mins after.

Surya- the black sheep in the family of ‘adarshwadi Masterji’ of Banares [played by Mithun Chakraborty], is now in safe but dirty hands of Crime-syndicate Tauji of Haryana [Danny Dangzopa]. 15 years later, Surya [the one & only Akshay Kumar] emerges into a self-loved transporter who bashes up all the goons to save poor villagers but ironically also wears the hat of a money-driven contract killer. In one alike situation, he’s given instructions to kill none other than his younger brother. Shockingly, father also doesn’t have much option left than dragging his abandoned son into this with his powers to save the kid and thus starts the final journey to a picture-perfect happy ending sans my favorite villainous brother of the bride J

How is it?

Films like BOSS are made to run on the star-power, so it is all the way an Akshay Kumar film. You don’t really have to use your mental muscles to imagine in what manner the action, jokes or for that matter even the songs would shape up. Performances are loud, regular and totally in sync with the likings of its targeted audience. Only exception is Ronit Roy as the cold-blooded, merciless, power-driven lawman of his own set of laws. In one scene, when Akshay the Boss is seen jogging/jumping on the trucks [mind you, it’s not the regular track but a chain of trucks] while his first face-off to Ronit- the DCP, you can easily make a distinction between their intensity in the performance! At 2 hour 30 min long duration, it serves you ‘baasi’ ingredients in the name of entertainment.

Who should go?

Watch it if you are an Akshay Kumar fan. Watch it if you already have learnt the lyrics of the ‘yo yo honey singh’ songs in the film by heart. Watch it if Mithun Chakraborty was your first super-hero in Bollywood. Watch it if your mind-heart-soul still adore late 80’s formula action thrillers.

Who should stay away?

If you think Bollywood is changed! If you think entertainment doesn’t have to be formulaic! If you love Indie Cinema more than regular releases! If you believe cinema is a sensitive art form! If you still are reading my review!

Final outcome:

A Presentation of ‘Cape of Good Films’ [really??] Anthony D’Souza’s BOSS is another milestone in senseless action-comedy aimed to touch 100 Cr mark. I don’t see any hurdle in that because as the character of Akshay kumar would have said in his Haryanvi, if asked “apne ko kya hai, apne ko toh bass paisa bahana hai”! [2/5]