BROTHERS: Use your Right to Stay Away! [1.5/5]

No offense is taken if you have opted for a plot full of hard clichés but treating it like one is a big bad crime. And Karan Malhotra is a serious offender of doing so in his official remake of WARRIOR- a punchful fighting action drama from Hollywood. In fact, he has been accused of the same in his first venture AGNEEPATH- another remake, this time of a Bollywood blockbuster. Thankfully, the 100 Cr indemnity at the box-office saved him from facing the heat. My prayers go straight to him for his latest sin. BROTHERS is as painful as the heavy and heartless punches in the ring could possibly hurt a regular man. It is so formulaic in its melodramatic emotions and in the laziest cinematic treatment that as an evolved movie-watcher, you would feel disgusted, snubbed and insulted for whatever intellect you could bring along. And the worst part is, you pay for it.

Catholics are the most ill-treated [in their standard portrayal] and idly-written characters in any typical Bollywood film. You don’t need to ask for their names or surnames as they are all the same. Any Fernandez or Braganza will do. Even David and Maria are a better connect. And then, put the holy-cross all around in as many ways you can. Tattoos look cool, on Catholics. They can be freely shown drinking their guts out. Isn’t it a must in their religion? Putting merely a ‘Man’ at the end of a sentence and replacing every other word with its English translation in a Hindi sentence will positively end all the doubts of them being a Fernandez or Braganza or a D’Souza. If you are being impatient to typecast the Catholics, you sure should rush to Karan Malhotra. He is the one-point source to anything and everything related to them. He is the next Mahesh Bhatt in this particular field of interest.

Now, let’s look at the plot. The alcoholic Senior Fernandez [Jackie Shroff] is released from the jail after serving a life term for accidently murdering his loving wife [Shefali Shah]. He is the man seeking redemption for his sin. So, the tears need to be constantly in supply whether it is the matter of ‘khushi’ or ‘gham’. By the way, fighting is the family game of the Fernandez. The elder Fernandez [Akshay Kumar] has left it long back for the sake of his family and is now leading a regular low life. The real Fernandez [Jacqueline] plays the better-half of the reel Fernandez. What a cheesy trivia! The younger and step-Fernandez [Another Malhotra, Siddharth] is angry, very angry. Enters Mr Braganza, the filthy Lalit Modi of MMA [Mixed Martial Art] league! The hunt for the champion of the league will also witness the biggest clash in Indian fighting scene. It is blood against blood.

Gavin O’Connor’s WARRIOR was a perfect film for Karan Malhotra to remake. One could smell from miles as how he is going to adopt it. The melodrama is on its highest. People cry, shout and walk like zombies-on the-loose to release and reveal their stressed present and stormed past. The writing is all impudent, brazen and audacious, especially in the second half where running commentary of the event covers the most of the part. Songs are relatively more comforting and that doesn’t include one of the most the nonsensical and nasty item songs featuring Kareena Kapoor Khan. My takeaway from these dance numbers is the fact that no matter how titillating they are in nature, the people around in the song don’t bother to ‘bother’ the lady in the middle. How gentle, polite and tender Indian Men in front of camera can be!

At the end, I know it is not the end. Many have taken an oath to keep the histrionics of old-bollywood clichés alive till they are in business. Karan Malhotra is just one of them. The other Karan [Johar] I am sure will get busy in finalizing the deal of another remake for him, soon after confirming BROTHERS’ weekend collection at the box-office. Brothers in crime! If you don’t want to fight with your conscience, use your right to stay away! [1.5]                                                     

GABBAR IS BACK: Gabbar returns ‘khali haath’ with no ‘shabashi’ at all! [1/5]

Gabbar returns. With all the charisma, likeability and power to hold your attention leaving way behind in transition, Gabbar returns but only in some futile dialogues, a badly done rap-mix and in the title of the film. 'Why' is the only reaction you would relate to such arrogant effort to encash the echoing sound of once terror, and now horror! The most iconic villain in the history of Bollywood gets the worst tribute ever done. Sadly, Sanjay Leela Bhansali produced GABBAR IS BACK is your typical star-driven south Indian remake that tries to tick every box falling under the formula of a box-office hit but returns ‘khali haath’ with no ‘shabashi’ at all.

   
To start with, this Gabbar is more of a ‘Shahenshah’. When not hanging corrupts till death at the nearest ‘chauraha’, he can be seen teaching physics in a college where supposedly students are taught and trained to be honest that too at a degree where a son could sign on the death penalty of his own father drenched deep in corruption without giving it a second thought. Professor Aditya [Akshay Kumar] is the man in charge here and on mission. It takes no special powers to know that the guy has a tragic past before deciding to clean the system at his own with his own special task force and a harsh sense of judgment. The film is also about personal rivalry and angst against the injustice. It is also a fight between two brands as the hero and the anti-hero in the film like to describe themselves. In one sequence, Gabbar- the good man as forcibly put by the lady [Shruti Haasan] meant only for some kind of breathing space in all those butt-kicking action and ear-kicking verbal exchange shuts the villain's mouth up using his ever-growing popularity. I wish if they could call themselves ‘SnapDeal’ & ‘Flipkart’. The audience would sure find it a lot interesting.   

GABBAR IS BACK- an official remake of a Tamil superhit strives to aim at people’s angst against corruption. The mood gets set when Gabbar kidnaps corrupt government officials and punishes them in the most violent yet less-innovative manner but soon decides to dive into the dreary pool of dead romance. Dealing with the same issue, Rensil D’silva’s UNGLI had definitely more inventive ways of punishing corrupts. Film also fails to hold you emotionally and doesn’t excite you at all with its cheap thrills in the plot. The tragic backstory is too convenient and badly twisted on screen. Even the sensible Chitrangada Singh in her sex siren avatar doesn’t show any spark in her titillating item song. Shruti Haasan is such a waste. Kareena Kapoor Khan looks ravishing in her cameo-cum-song and that’s it. Akshay too is repetitive. Though his remarkable energy on screen and ease at such roles keep him in the race at any given point of time, the over-simplistic and predictable plot hardly gives him much space to show off the charm he has. Sunil Grover reinvents himself as an actor in serious role but with a dubious dubbed voice, he couldn’t maximize the chance well. Jaydeep Ahlawat is average.

Overall, GABBAR IS BACK is a dull and boring action-entertainer where you can sense and predict almost every curve on the road ahead. Watching and re-watching the real and original Gabbar mouthing those timeless dialogues will always be a treat for any cinema-lover or an entertainment-seeker. This latest Gabbar is just a falsifier with fake identity. If the real one could curse this one, he would have sure gone ahead with, “Gabbar ka naam poora mitthi mein milaye diyo” [You have spoiled the name of Gabbar, all of it]! Stay back! [1/5]            

SINGHAM RETURNS: A pair of earplugs could save a lot for you! Rest is all wasted! [2/5]

The consequences of a film joining the over-hyped ‘100 Cr’ club could be many but one you don’t really want to face in most cases, is its inescapable and obvious sequel. Rohit Shetty’s SINGHAM RETURNS is one of those. As a fellow cop in the team makes it loud and clear soon after hero’s grand entry on screen, “Gaanv se shaher badla hai par apne Bajirao Singham ke kaam karne ka tareeka ab bhi wahi hai”! Translation could read, “Only the locations have been changed and the settings, Singham is all the same”. Spot on! SINGHAM RETURNS is a mindless action entertainer that tickles your heart less and hammers on your head more. I hope it hints you enough to carry earplugs and a couple of pills, in case of severe headache!

The new playground for Bajirao Singham [Ajay Devgn back in his vest & khaki avatar] is the city of Mumbai where corrupt politicians force their own set of rules to rule. An Anna Hazare in disguise idealistic Guruji [Anupam Kher in an extended guest appearance] is unwavering about cleaning the filth called corruption and black money from politics but the evil forces including barely a sketchy politician [Zakir Hussain in his probably most attempted character on screen] and a phony holyman who immediately gets into his cool casuals with a glass of beer in hands when not in some public appearances, have their own vicious plans. Singham returns to fight for freedom, justice and enforcement of law in the system, against these mean minds.

Rohit Shetty’s SINGHAM RETURNS clearly shows his over-confidence in the most usual and sub-standard plot. An honest cop’s frustration and distress while on duty leads him to be transformed into a fearless fighter who can also go beyond law to teach lawbreakers a hard lesson. So far so good! So far some respite! But when you see Ajay devgn mouthing dialogues like, “dhoom machaani hai machao, par bike ki gati [speed] par nahin, desh ki pragati [progress] par”, you sure can guess where it’s going. And SINGHAM RETURNS does that often. Where the first half is quite alike any regular episode of the longest running cop-drama CID on TV [You can also find the loveably single-minded Daya here to act on his favorite, “Daya, Darwaja tod do!”, second half is more of Shetty-special shootouts, blasts and ceaseless gravity-defying goon-bashing sequences.     

The other part that doesn’t go well with the film is the love-track! Kareena Kapoor plays Avni who besides dreaming to own a franchise of salon, can be seen frenzied over the idea of her marriage to Singham. It is the least appreciated thing if you have especially come out to see a Rohit Shetty Action entertainer. On the performances, Ajay does what people love to see him doing. A macho man who is invincible, intrepid and heroic in every sense! Kareena irritates, well mostly! Amole Gupte slips into the skin of Chandraswamy like Guru of political influences well and succeeds in providing some not sufficient but good laughs.

At the end, a strict warning for parents! If the child artist’s ‘mala raga gheto hai’ act in Yo Yo Honey Singh’s ‘Aati majhi satakali’ song looks cute to you and your kid, it doesn’t necessarily mean the film is for kids! Stop taking your kids in each and every film you go for! It is like in between those blasting-flying-on fire SUVs in the film, you see a trapped Tata Nano being driven by Ajay Devgn and you go into serious prayers, “No, not this! Don’t! You can’t!” Watch it only if you’re one of those unfortunates who are still at home on this extended weekend! Rest, do not bother! [2/5]

SATYAGRAHA: Formulaic Exploitation of Freedom of speech! Corruption hits cinema! [2/5]

Corruption in our system has been in practice for so long now that you can easily find its traces in our day-to-day life. It is so rehearsed-so exercised that we might not even consider it now a threat to our society but when the same strikes in art like cinema, it still hurts, badly. Prakash Jha’s so-called social drama SATYAGRAHA is a victim of corruption in cinema. Formulaic approach of Jha’s own league contaminates the power of story-telling. Forced Star-value pollutes the intensity and effort.

Taking a prominent lead from Anna Hazare’s anti-corruption movement and a few other sensational news headlines in the past, SATYAGRAHA roams around an idealistic retired principal [played passionately by Amitabh Bachchan] who is so much confined into his ideas that he can be very blatant with anyone against his concept of morality. Trust me, in few scenes you would be thanking God that your father in real is not like him. After losing his extremely talented engineer son in a road-accident [referring to the Satyendra Dubey murder case, if you remember], in frustration to not know how to deal with corruption in the system, Daduji slaps the district magistrate and is now behind the bars.

To set him free, joins hands an ambitious businessman of promising future [Ajay Devgn in his usual], a local crowd-pulling youth leader [Arjun Rampal wasted in his ‘Rajneeti’ look] and a dedicated journalist [Kareena Kapoor Khan-the most irritating of all] who merely believes in just one rule of journalism that you should look presentable. So, you never find her without heavily done make-up in any of the frames she’s in. Manoj Bajpai slips into a caricature-ish comical politician who’s naively uncomfortable with the concept of lawmakers taking instructions & suggestions to improve from public as a part of democratic system. So, the conflict to bring inevitable change in the system turns into a final showdown between the government and team Satyagraha.

Problem with the film lies in its too idealistic characters to make connect and events happenings in the most suitable manner. Film struggles to speak loud and clear on the issue and ends up in an exploited version of the ‘freedom of speech’ that can also be referred as the ‘freedom to preach’. In its 2 hour 32 min of excruciating duration, it goes on and on and on till an equally infertile dramatic climax.

All I can request/warn/suggest Mr. Jha that please rediscover his own self beyond this fixed parameters of star-driven half-cooked hopeless social dramas just for the sake of making it or the day is not very far when we would have another ‘Ram Gopal Verma’ in Bollywood. If not in the right manner, some statements should not be made at all as you are killing the opportunity for someone else. [2/5]