BROTHERS: Use your Right to Stay Away! [1.5/5]

No offense is taken if you have opted for a plot full of hard clichés but treating it like one is a big bad crime. And Karan Malhotra is a serious offender of doing so in his official remake of WARRIOR- a punchful fighting action drama from Hollywood. In fact, he has been accused of the same in his first venture AGNEEPATH- another remake, this time of a Bollywood blockbuster. Thankfully, the 100 Cr indemnity at the box-office saved him from facing the heat. My prayers go straight to him for his latest sin. BROTHERS is as painful as the heavy and heartless punches in the ring could possibly hurt a regular man. It is so formulaic in its melodramatic emotions and in the laziest cinematic treatment that as an evolved movie-watcher, you would feel disgusted, snubbed and insulted for whatever intellect you could bring along. And the worst part is, you pay for it.

Catholics are the most ill-treated [in their standard portrayal] and idly-written characters in any typical Bollywood film. You don’t need to ask for their names or surnames as they are all the same. Any Fernandez or Braganza will do. Even David and Maria are a better connect. And then, put the holy-cross all around in as many ways you can. Tattoos look cool, on Catholics. They can be freely shown drinking their guts out. Isn’t it a must in their religion? Putting merely a ‘Man’ at the end of a sentence and replacing every other word with its English translation in a Hindi sentence will positively end all the doubts of them being a Fernandez or Braganza or a D’Souza. If you are being impatient to typecast the Catholics, you sure should rush to Karan Malhotra. He is the one-point source to anything and everything related to them. He is the next Mahesh Bhatt in this particular field of interest.

Now, let’s look at the plot. The alcoholic Senior Fernandez [Jackie Shroff] is released from the jail after serving a life term for accidently murdering his loving wife [Shefali Shah]. He is the man seeking redemption for his sin. So, the tears need to be constantly in supply whether it is the matter of ‘khushi’ or ‘gham’. By the way, fighting is the family game of the Fernandez. The elder Fernandez [Akshay Kumar] has left it long back for the sake of his family and is now leading a regular low life. The real Fernandez [Jacqueline] plays the better-half of the reel Fernandez. What a cheesy trivia! The younger and step-Fernandez [Another Malhotra, Siddharth] is angry, very angry. Enters Mr Braganza, the filthy Lalit Modi of MMA [Mixed Martial Art] league! The hunt for the champion of the league will also witness the biggest clash in Indian fighting scene. It is blood against blood.

Gavin O’Connor’s WARRIOR was a perfect film for Karan Malhotra to remake. One could smell from miles as how he is going to adopt it. The melodrama is on its highest. People cry, shout and walk like zombies-on the-loose to release and reveal their stressed present and stormed past. The writing is all impudent, brazen and audacious, especially in the second half where running commentary of the event covers the most of the part. Songs are relatively more comforting and that doesn’t include one of the most the nonsensical and nasty item songs featuring Kareena Kapoor Khan. My takeaway from these dance numbers is the fact that no matter how titillating they are in nature, the people around in the song don’t bother to ‘bother’ the lady in the middle. How gentle, polite and tender Indian Men in front of camera can be!

At the end, I know it is not the end. Many have taken an oath to keep the histrionics of old-bollywood clichés alive till they are in business. Karan Malhotra is just one of them. The other Karan [Johar] I am sure will get busy in finalizing the deal of another remake for him, soon after confirming BROTHERS’ weekend collection at the box-office. Brothers in crime! If you don’t want to fight with your conscience, use your right to stay away! [1.5]                                                     

DIL DHADAKNE DO: Parents, O Parents! A long family affair! [3.5/5]

An ideal family is a myth. Issues like gender discrimination, forceful implementations of the patriarchy power, constant manipulations over fake morality, compromises for the sake of saving relationships and a flair of hypocrisy even in the most sober looking character do lie in every family. It’s only a matter of time to experience what will surface and when. A dysfunctional family as they call it is nothing but an elaborated term for any family out in this world. Zoya Akhtar's DIL DHADAKNE DO offers you a chance for a paid visit to one of these 'dysfunctional' families.

Anil Kapoor plays the ‘self-made’ millionaire Mehra, who’s celebrating his 30^th marriage anniversary with Mrs. Mehra [Shefali Shah] on a cruise. The daughter Mehra [Priyanka Chopra] losing her surname now to her husband’s after marriage is irked with the invitation-card not carrying her name as a family-member. The son Mehra [Ranveer Singh] is trying his hard to fit in his father’s shoes. Along with some close friends and relatives, Mehras are out on loose on the cruise. Everything looks perfectly planned, well-designed, glossy, shiny and desirable until the real issues within the family start melting down all the plastics on the most beautiful looking faces on earth. The daughter Mehra wants to move in life and is now asking for a divorce. The son Mehra is blackmailed emotionally to marry the daughter of one of the possible business partners. The catch for the son Mehra is a private jet he finds his true love in. Parents, O parents!

Zoya Akhtar with Reema Kagti presents to you a gorgeous looking family you might wish to have in your next life but with the short and sour problems chances are you’re already facing in this very life. Who haven’t been preached all his life hearing the same-old struggle-story of his father from the horse’s mouth? Do mothers ever fail in ‘baby-ing’ the son even if he’s started dating hot babes? And then, there is this epic scheming side of the parents who are alive only to see their sons/daughters getting married. The best part is the Zoya-Reema duo doesn’t try to sink you in the murkiness of the situations but saves you with the quirk in dialogues and a flashy wit in the nature of the characters. Despite a certain kind of dreariness in the plot and the slacken off duration, film manages to keep you smiling for the most parts.

With a picturesque star-cast that looks like coming to a special edition magazine cover photo-shoot, DIL DHADKANE DO never actually has a dull frame. Even the brigade of supporting actors like Divya Seth Shah, Parmeet Sethi, Vandana Sajnani, Ridhima Sud, Vikrant Massey and Manoj Pahwa charmingly finds its place to rise and shine. Also Farhan, Priyanka, Rahul Bose and Anushka are branded names to come up with performances you can’t crib about but eventually DIL DHADAKNE DO finds its acting-giants in Anil Kapoor, Ranveer Singh and Shefali Shah. All of these three names have rediscovered themselves in their own way. Anil Kapoor’s performance as a suave, money-driven, self-centered, crude, controlling and calculative patriarch is terrific. Ranveer Singh surprises as well. Probably for the first time, he has brought something called subtly in his performance and it’s totally rewarding. Move over his ‘ever ready’ charged up energy assurance, here is an actor a lot more yet to be explored. Shefali Shah is brilliant and makes you wonder why Bollywood hasn’t given her yet what she deserves. Well done, Ma’am!

To conclude, DIL DHADAKNE DO suffers two major slip-ups. One being the length of the film of course and the other is the narration given by none other than Aamir Khan lending his voice to the younger Mehra of the family; a dog! Yes, you heard it right.  Now, this can be an ‘Aww’ moment for puppy-loving beauties but for the film, it does throw a fit of boredom on you. Watch out for some real ‘surprising’ performances and dialogue-driven humor! [3.5/5]