हाफ़ गर्लफ्रेंड: अधपकी, कच्ची, आधी-अधूरी! [1/5]

कुछ लोगों को साहित्य और सिनेमा के नाम पर कुछ भी परोसने की लत लग चुकी है. ‘हाफ गर्लफ्रेंड’ बनाने के पीछे मोहित सूरी की वजह थी, इसी नाम से चेतन भगत की ‘बेस्टसेलिंग’ किताब; पर चेतन भगत के लिए ‘हाफ़ गर्लफ्रेंड’ लिखने की क्या माकूल वजह थी, मुझे नहीं समझ आता. एक ऐसी किताब, जिसके किरदारों में न रीढ़ की हड्डी हो, न दिमाग़ की नसें, न कायदे के कुछ ठीक-ठाक ज़ज्बात, आखिर क्यूँ कर कोई पढ़ेगा और फिर परदे पर देखेगा भी? तमाम प्रेम-कहानियों में दो आधे-अधूरे मिल कर एक हो ही जाते हैं, ‘हाफ़ गर्लफ्रेंड’ इतनी वाहियात है कि आधा और आधा मिल के भी आधे-अधूरे ही रहते हैं.

भला राजा और रानी के बगैर भी कभी कोई कहानी लिखी गयी है? तो यहाँ भी एक राजकुमार हैं. बिहार के सिमराव गाँव के बाऊ साब माधव झा (अर्जुन कपूर). जब बस से गाँव उतरते हैं तो रुआब ऐसा, जैसे बर्मा के युवराज हों. सारे छोटे-बड़े झुककर सलामी ठोकने लगते हैं. बाऊ साब दिल्ली पहुँच गए समाजशास्त्र की पढ़ाई करने, तुर्रा ये कि इंग्लिश बोलने में फटती है फिर भी पढेंगे तो सेंट स्टीवन्स में. जेएनयू में पढ़ते तो स्पोर्ट्स ब्रा में बास्केटबाल खेलने वाली लड़की कहाँ मिलती? वहाँ तो झक मार के समाजशास्त्र ही पढ़ना पड़ता. खैर, इंटरव्यू में तो बोल आये कि सर, हम हिंदी में उत्तर देना चाहेंगे, तकलीफ ये है कि हिंदी भी कहाँ ठीक से आती है. शॉल पर रिया की जगह रीया लिखवा के आ गए. चेतन भगत और उनके लिखे इस नायक से बौद्धिक चेतना की उम्मीद रखना बेकार ही है, इसीलिए जब पूछा जाता है, ‘बिहार जैसा है, वैसा क्यूँ है?’, बाऊ साब इतिहास में दफ़न बिहार के चंद बड़े-बड़े नाम गिना कर चौड़े हो जाते हैं. ठरकी तो इतने हैं, कि लड़की सामने आते ही चेहरे पर बस एक ही एक्सप्रेशन, “मैं फिर भी तुमको चाहूँगा”, और लड़की के जाते ही दूसरा एक्सप्रेशन, “सर, माइसेल्फ कमिंग फ्रॉम विलेज एरिया...”! तीसरा कोई इनके लिए बना ही नहीं आज तक.

अब आते हैं राजकुमारी साहिबा पर! रिया सोमानी (श्रद्धा कपूर) इतनी बेखौफ और निडर हैं कि जब भी अकेलापन घेरता है, सिक्योरिटी को धता बताते हुए सीधे इंडिया गेट पर चढ़कर बैठ जाती हैं और शहर को ताकती रहती हैं, पर जब घर में बाप माँ के साथ मारपीट कर रहे होते हैं, तो एक कोने में दुबक कर गिटार पे गाने गाती हैं. बारिश की इतनी दीवानी कि जब भी होगी, मैडम खुले आसमान के नीचे भीगती दिखाई देंगी. कभी-कभी तो गिटार के साथ ही. ‘हाफ़ गर्लफ्रेंड’ का टर्म इजाद करने वाली रिया के दिमागी दिवालियेपन का भी कोई आदि-अंत नहीं. सेक्स न करने देने पर ‘देती है तो दे, वरना कट ले’ बोलने वाले बाऊ साब के साथ अब भी घूम रही हैं, क्यूंकि लड़का अच्छा है. अरिजीत सिंह के ‘तू मेरा सुकून, तू मेरा जूनून’ गाने पर मुंह लटकाए काफी दिन घूमता रहा था. पाप का प्रायश्चित पूरा, रोमांस का चैप्टर अभी भी अधूरा!

मोहित सूरी की इस फिल्म की सबसे कमज़ोर कड़ी हैं, अर्जुन कपूर. ऐसा नहीं है कि संवादों में कहीं कुछ बहुत ज्यादा आपत्तिजनक हो, पर उनके मुंह से ‘बिहारी हिंदी’ उतनी ही जाली और फर्ज़ी लगती है, जितनी लोहे की सरिया बनाने वाले ब्रांड के विज्ञापन में एक विदेशी का ‘सबसे सस्ता नहीं, सबसे अच्छा” बोलना. ताज्जुब है कि यही भाषा जब-जब फिल्म में दूसरे कलाकार (विक्रांत मैसी, सीमा बिस्वास) इस्तेमाल करते हैं, तो इतनी कोफ़्त नहीं होती. इतना ही नहीं, इस फिल्म में जो-जो इंग्लिश भी बोलता है, किसी न किसी एक्सेंट में. दोयम दर्जे की इस कहानी में प्यार के नाम पर बस अरिजीत सिंह के गाने हैं, और कुछ नहीं. फिल्म और गिरती चली जाती है, जैसे ही बाऊ साब की नीरस जिंदगी में बिल गेट्स एक बड़ा मकसद ले कर घुस आते हैं. घटिया विज़ुअल ग्राफ़िक्स के ज़रिये बिल गेट्स को परदे पर ‘जाने भी दो यारों’ का सतीश शाह बना कर छोड़ दिया जाता है.

विक्रांत मैसी एकलौते ऐसे कलाकार हैं, जिनको देख के लगता है अभिनय में अभी भी थोड़ी बहुत ईमानदारी बची है. भाषा के अलावा उनके हाव-भाव बहुत ही संतुलित और जरूरत के हिसाब से ही घटते-बढ़ते हैं. सीमा बिस्वास अपने किरदार में पूरी तरह फिट बैठती हैं, हालाँकि चेतन भगत की सतही राइटिंग यहाँ भी उन्हें बस एक ‘कैरीकेचर’ बना के रख देती है. श्रद्धा अपनी पिछली फिल्मों से कुछ भी नया, कुछ भी बेहतर परोसने में असफल रही हैं.

अंत में, ‘हाफ़ गर्लफ्रेंड’ चेतन भगत और मोहित सूरी का एक और नया शगूफा है, जो साहित्य और सिनेमा में देश के युवाओं की पसंद-नापसंद जानने का उनका झूठा दम भरने में और इजाफा भले ही करे, है तो बकवास, वाहियात और बेहूदा ही. अगर आपने किताब पढ़ी है, और फिल्म देखने का इंतज़ार भी कर रहे हैं, तो मेरी पूरी सहानुभूति आपसे है. [1/5]            

KI & KA: KI-ling of a promising KA-ncept! [2/5]

Gender equality is the easiest thing to talk about these days, if you really want to make a deliberate statement about how ‘cool’ you are. Can you guess what is more effortless than that? Women liberation, especially if you’re a posing intellectual and a gentleman. I presume you can differentiate the two from the word go; because I don’t think the advertising guru-turned-filmmaker R Balki is very comfortable with that. His role-reversal drama KI & KA is exactly like its title; sounds unique and interesting but is confusing, forced and dramatic most of the time. Balki tries to address the relevance of the issue in his most honest & thoughtful manner but fails to make it relatable and logical. I fear the search for ‘coolness’ in everything he shows gets rammed over by his over-confident storytelling.

KIA [Kareena Kapoor] is one of those rare girls who are a complete misfit in any grand and loud Indian wedding party. Such type exists? Anyway, she sees marriages as a big and bold full-stop to the girl’s individuality, personally and professionally. Next, she meets a crying handsome co-passenger KABIR [Arjun Kapoor] in a flight. Cool? Yeah; keep counting. KABIR wants to be a house-husband. Aspirations to earn big positions in any multi-national company or to take shit-load of salary home every month don’t excite him really. He fancies being an artist who makes ‘Homes’ rather than houses like his mother was. It’s a perfect setup. The girl is focused to take control of her promising professional career in the out world and the boy has no shilly-shallying attitude in running the house like a pro. Such a smooth trip until a few fuzzy faceoff incidents takes place in the relationship involving one’s unexpected expansion from being a house-husband to a TEDX celebrity-talker and the other’s steaming ego-issues.

Balki treats his concept of role-reversal in marriage as if it is something very alien and novel idea to the society. On the contrary, it is not. But Balki makes it look so dramatic, droll and desired that it starts irritating you after a while. Soon, his role-reversal theory starts bothering you as a futile role-play. The man becomes a woman and the woman acts like a man. Meanwhile, Balki decides to keep the spotlight on all the ‘cool’ gimmicks rather than exploring the emotional storm within. You see Arjun Kapoor charming married ladies in his neighborhood while giving them a fitness session or inviting them for a kitty-party. His love for riding a Segway or for that matter, making his home a train-toy museum too is more of a ‘cool’ addition to the style than to the substance. In fact, the initiative to put female artists’ name ahead of their male co-artistes in the opening titles loses its steam when it comes to other technical credits. Why is a female assistant director not given the same respect? Because you don’t give a damn!

KI & KA also doesn’t oblige you much if you’re seeking something outstanding in the performances. Kareena Kapoor Khan hams like there is no tomorrow. All she does in the name of acting is to intimidate you with her sparkly wide-eyed expressions and all the increasing now-reducing then redness on her face. Arjun Kapoor, on the other hand, does give you some freshness even if it is exaggerated and overacted. Rajit Kapoor and Swaroop Sampat are extremely delightful faces you would always love to see on screen. Though the writing again makes them stereotyped parents who either would end up being very friendly to their kids or totally cold towards them! Amitabh Bachchan & Jaya Bachchan play themselves in the most celebrated scene as a cameo. The scene beautifully tickles the idea they tackled together on screen in Hrishikesh Mukherji’s ABHIMAAN. It is also supposedly a tour to their drawing room.

Coming from the background of advertising world, Balki makes sure everything looks perfectly placed, lit and shot but he often misses the relativity of the context and in the content. In one scene, Kareena being a marketing professional throws an idea to sell an edible oil product at 50% off if the husbands would make the buying. Her case is that no Indian husband buys grocery and this will improve the sales. In other, we are informed that the couple pays 10,000/- salary to their part-time maid in Delhi. What a promising job opportunity hidden there! Mr. Balki sure belongs to the same rarest wing Kareena targets in the film. Better watch the new ARIEL- share the load commercial, if you want something progressive and feminist in true respect! [2/5]

TEVAR: Stinking old, rotten & formulaic! ‘Manoj-Arjun’ does the repair! [2/5]

Remaking an 11-year old Telugu super hit doesn’t really sound a bad idea at first, as masala entertainers are the safest option in Bollywood to hit the jackpot of the 100 Cr club. First timers Sanjay Kapoor [being the producer] & Amit Ravindernath Sharma [the admaker takes a leap by directing a full-fledged feature film] try the same with showing their jam-packed confidence in family-boy Arjun Kapoor and the adeptly assured actor-performer Manoj Bajpayee in a negative role. Still, TEVAR suffers the stinks of being old, rotten and formulaic, mostly and mainly at the plot part.

In the murderous land of Northern Uttar Pradesh; where power rules and male-chauvinism takes hold of the dice in the game, you don’t really meet a Pintu Shukla [Arjun Kapoor] very often. Though he is a Salman Khan fan and wears same attitude as well and effortless as his trademark aviator shades, he can also be seen harassing an eve-teaser for giving him back what he was doing to a teenage girl, moments ago. He also cares for the girl’s presence while mouthing not-so-smooth verbal expressions. Now, that’s rare. Rare for a Bollywood movie which also could have Salman in the place! I wished it to have more of such attitude!

The drama soars high when a bigheaded, haughty and powerful scandalous brother [Manoj Bajpayee] of an influential politician starts feeling for a local girl doing her obvious best like dancing and attending drama classes. Who else but Sonakshi in real, and in reel? Pintu accidently crosses the path, beats the villain, meets the girl and takes it as a mission to save the girl from the lecherous. Don’t allow me to judge your intelligence about what comes next and in the finale! And it all happens with a plentiful of high-octane action and songs of every kind, alternatively and frequently.

The part where Amit Ravindernath Sharma scores big is the treatment, authenticity of the locations, characters that can easily charm the audience in mass and drama that never actually lacks the punch. He is confident for sure but it hurts to see such talent trembling all over a plot which could have been best in the year of 2005 but never a promising in 2015. Arjun Kapoor’s energy never runs out of charge. He CAN be as charismatic as Salman. He CAN beat the goons too, at beats. He CAN also lip smoothly the most absurdly written dialogues using slangs of male-organs. Only if the script had provided him more space and viewers some kind of novelty to stick around, it would have been a pleasant surprise!

Though not in full form; Manoj Bajpayee does his part well in the most theatrical manner. He successfully uses his corrupt, sinning and wicked eyes for the most. Don’t expect a GANGS OF WASSEYPUR from him but he’s better than the repetitive Prakash Raj any day. Sonakshi does what she’s been doing for ages now, and I really want to write more about her abilities as an actor but then, there is hardly anything new. Raj Babbar, Dipti Naval & Rajesh Sharma don’t disappoint.

With a tiring duration of 2 hour 39 minutes, age-old plot and mindlessly put songs, Amit Ravindernath Sharma’s TEVAR is an average action-entertainer saved hugely by Arjun Kapoor’s earnest & energetic performance and Manoj Bajpayee’s engagingly villainous character. Watch it if you are a fan of both, though it is not their best at all! [2/5] 

FINDING FANNY (ENGLISH): ‘Finding it funny’ is an understatement! [3.5/5]

Early in the collective journey to find the love of an old loner’s life; when the later reacts in anxiety, ‘Isn’t it hot today?’, the man on driving seat and with the least interest in such trip throws away his apathy, “I am feeling cold”…“You must be in fever then” “no, it’s a statement of sarcasm”, he clarifies straight-faced & boldly. That should also be the preliminary and precautionary declaration to viewers as what they should expect from Homi Adajania’s smartly written, deliciously performed and dynamically directed comedy-drama FINDING FANNY.

Set in an unreal-unheard village of Goa, Fredie [Naseeruddin Shah, tastes as good as old wine] is a lonesome postman with no letters to deliver. His life gets an awakening knock when someone drops an old undelivered letter to his doorstep. It was written by him 46 years back and for his love of life then, Fanny. It is an end to his years-long wait but to give it a possible fresh new start to find Fanny, there’s Angie [Deepika Padukone as bright & shine as the morning Sun] who, despite her 15 min-short married life firmly believes in, “No one deserves an incomplete love-story”.

There’s also Angie’s heavily-structured crabby-grumpy old mother-in-law Rosalina [Dimple Kapadia in an all juicy-spicy avatar], a bitter, harsh & sulking love-interest to Angie [Arjun Kapoor’s best till date] and last but never the least, the amazingly vibrant but lecherous womanizer artist in search of a new muse for his painting, Don Pedro Cleto Colaco [The powerhouse and an institution in himself Pankaj Kapoor]. Together, they all are on a ride to find love in their lives.

FINDING FANNY is dark-dim & gloomy in emotions where every character is either with broken hearts or in deep abandoned state of mind seeking the missing piece in their lives but the way they behave and presented on screen is very caricature-ish yet far more realistic than any Bollywood mainstream cinema. So, there is plenty of room for humor that comes from the wit in the nature of being that character and belonging there in the said situation. Point to be noted here is that you have to be very attentive and alert to not miss any of the punches hidden or underlined in any regular verbal exchange. Special mention to the writer!

The lingo is rooted, earthy and well in-synced with the spirit of English speaking Goan people. Anil Mehta’s visual strokes are like travel postcards. The old houses with fences, bricky textures, neatly stuffed rooms with furniture and props slowly getting into antique mode and picturesque landscapes of Konkan belt are vividly captured. Mathias Duplessy’s tingling music constantly keeps you engaged in the scene. And if not anything, the performances will floor you right away. Naseer’s cute smiles, Pankaj’s lustful eyes, Arjun’s burst of anger, Deepika’s naive beauty and Dimple’s richly layered emotions, there are reasons more than just one to not miss it.

After his last being a 100 Cr club entrance (Deepika-Saif starrer COCKTAIL), FINDING FANNY is like Homi’s homecoming to what he had promised with his first (BEING CYRUS). No non-sense performances, grave humor and a good hand at writing. It is easily one of the most refreshing films you’ve seen this year! [3.5/5]

2 STATES: beautiful film but no signs of newness in the plot make it strictly watchable! [2.5/5]

In order to impress his hardcore Tamilian future in-laws when Krish [Arjun Kapoor entering into a completely new territory of Bollywood’s safest road to win hearts; the romantic comedies], a Punjabi Chap brings Engagement-rings for everyone in the family, the statement comes out loud and clear, “Marry one-marry all”. Indian weddings can never get more comprised than in this particular scene in debutante Abhishek Verman’s 2 STATES. Impressive, moving and very well done but the biggest question here is if fine film-making could really save a film with absolute no meat in the plot and all ‘done in the past’ predictability that comes handy in any such Bollywood Film. Sadly, the answer falls in negative.

Based on the bestseller of Chetan Bhagat’s kind of autobiographical novel of same name, 2 STATES tries to bring two different cultures, two different families helmed by their own set of lifestyles and ‘hard to break or mold’ establishments in thoughts, under one wedding-Mandup. Krish falls in love with Ananya [Alia Bhatt comfortably stepping in the shoes]. Ananya falls for Krish too but their families don’t as one comes from the loud Punjabi culture and the other backed by Tamilian traditions.

The boy and girl try to woo their parents in any which way they could but rather than getting excited and on your nerves to find out how, you would end up waiting with a big ‘when’ on your face. The plot that shares similarities with most of the Indian love stories produced in the past never actually rises from just looking great, vibrant and immensely fresh in every frame. No one should sink in doubts that this is one of the finest in terms of cinematography and set direction. There is hardly any frame that doesn’t make your heart feel drenched in true Indian colors.

What kills the chance is the obviousness in the way story moves forward. The sweat couple in love put one after another fall like house of the cards but towards end, it doesn’t take more than a couple of minute to set all the puzzle-pieces together. Convenience at its best! Jokes are clearly more on colour, rituals, taste and choices in art and food and anything you could think of easily. Though Verman controls himself from making characters stereotyped [Alia doesn’t carry any south-Indian accent] and that should be praised wholeheartedly!

In a deliciously ensemble cast, Amrita Singh plays a bitchy-overtly possessive Punjabi mother to Krish with fine nuisances. Ronit Roy as his unapologetic yet emotional father excels in most to bring lumps in your throat especially at the end. Shiv Subramanian and Revathy play it smooth, subtle and sweet as Tamilian parents to Ananya. Watch out for Revathy singing the soulful ‘Saathiya, yeh tune kya kiya’ from her 1991 film LOVE! Lovely addition!!

Of the lead, Alia looks garden fresh and emotes too. Her presence sparks the screen making it a picture perfect sight to rest your eyes. Arjun as a geeky, confused, nervous lover boy shows his growing confidence as an actor. In conclusion, 2 STATES is a beautiful film let down by a superficial plot and a stretched at long duration only to ruin all the promises that could have turned the table in a better direction all together. Alas, no signs of newness in the plot make it strictly watchable! [2.5/5]

GUNDAY: Drama drives a bumpy ride! Story thrown to back seat!! [2.5/5]

If 70’s hit box-office formula, exploited mercilessly later in 90’s, of macho-giri, hero-panthi & solid dialogue-baazi could still guarantee an out-sized rage in entertainment, YashRaj film’s GUNDAY would have easily been a winner all the way but what it misses out in translation is the unforeseen elements in the plot. So, GUNDAY- the saga of love, friendship & betrayal remains limited and disappoints for the most part.

In a GANGS OF WASSEYPUR-ish docudrama style of narration, Irrfan playing a confident cop takes us back in 1971’s Bangladesh where 2 young guns are forced to flee and find a shelter in Calcutta only to rise as the second most famous [infamous would do the justice] craze after the monumental Howrah Bridge. These so-called ‘local Robinhoods’ & the biggest goons of their times [Ranveer playing Bikram and Arjun being Bala] are into every illegal business in the list. So far so good, but then the next chain of events is not very tricky to track down when both fall in ‘sachche wala pyaar’ with the same girl [Priyanka Chopra sizzles as a cabaret dancer]. Film gets derailed from being a hardcore anti-hero film to bring down the dysfunctional system to a typical romantic triangle with an outdated pinch of betrayal and misunderstandings coming in the way of friendship and love.

Setting a story in 70’s-80’s brings plenty of interesting nuances in the plot to rejoice. Rajesh Khanna is mentioned as a superstar girls fall for, for more than once. Mithun da’s dance moves are hard to ignore in choreography. Bappi Lahiri’s voice is prominently used to catch the bong-connection. The colors and characters also smell rustic & next-door [One specific character can’t stop himself addressing his bloodthirsty rival as ‘dada’]. Obviously the direction is on the right track but obviousness in plot kills the grandness of GUNDAY. Why to borrow [Copy-paste] from storylines that are done-to-death? I don’t have any clue and I guess the thinking tanks behind this would also not have a justification.

Film if manages to hold your attention, despite being tad lengthy by at least 15-20 minutes, the credit goes to its production value which makes it a grandeur explosion of drama on screen, the performances mainly of Irrfan who is regular but delightfully charming with some of the cheesiest lines and an attitude that becomes skin to the character and last but not the least the high-voltage drama. Whatever happens here happens in a slow-motion technique. Everyone appears from a hazy-foggy-smoky background. Punches hit the chiseled body in high-speed. In the rest, Ranveer outshines with a good performance. Arjun impresses but not without showing limitations as an actor. Priyanka does it the way she’s known to.

Overall, Ali Abbas Jafar’s glorification of anti-heroes ends up in a lengthy bumpy ride that is enjoyable in parts, grand in looks but definitely not worthy enough to be a descendant of bygone era’s masala/mass entertainers. Watch it if your idea to celebrate Valentine’s Day is nothing else but to see two shirtless men fighting for one girl. [2.5/5]